


DUALITY

by juststella



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: Altered Mental States, F/M, Hypnosis therapy, Mail Order Brides, Mental Health Issues, Mild language means use of rude words now and then right?, Minor Character Deaths, Past Sexual Abuse, Past drug addiction with minor character, Past physical abuse, Sign Language, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-04-24 04:59:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14348451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juststella/pseuds/juststella
Summary: Written For Everlark Fic Exchange - The 2018 Springtime Edition.Prompt 37: Her family murdered, so mail-order-bride Katniss marries Peeta who seems sweet at first; the location is remote; something unnerves her. Could Peeta have an evil twin? Or an alter ego? Is Dr. Aurelius really helping or is he not what he seems? Can she trust anyone? Even herself??? [submitted by Anonymous]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My initial thought when I first saw this prompt for Everlark Fic Exchange was how difficult this would be to write (for me anyway). It took me two days to finally pluck up enough courage to ask for it. So my thanks goes out to the anonymous prompter. I wish I knew who you were so I could thank you personally. 
> 
> To my friend and beta Shannon17 (aka sunsetsrmydreams). This lovely lady took time out from writing her own stories for Everlark Fic Exchange - The Healing Touch Gallery and Beneath the Sound (please check them both out) to make this beautiful banner for me. I also want to credit her for the title of this story. Even when I doubt myself, she is always there supporting and encouraging me. Thank you!
> 
> Thank you to the awesome @javistg and @xerxia31 for running the Everlark Fic Exchange. 
> 
> Thank you to all the readers who read my story on Tumblr.

 

My eyes stay fixed on the three freshly dug holes in the ground and with so many people gathered here to say their final goodbyes, I barely register Hazelle’s whispered voice. “Katniss dear, would you like to say anything before they start?” I shake my head. What good are words. They won’t bring them back.

 

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust……”

_I should have been there. I would have heard them coming. If only I didn’t choose that night to check the snares that Gale and I had set in the early hours of the morning? If only I stayed in bed. Maybe my body would be buried in the cold, wet ground as well. That would be better._

My trembling hand reaches inside my coat pocket as I recall those words that will forever haunt me. Fingers desperate in their search to touch the one thing that calms me. _“For my dandelion, always.”_ The note attached never revealed its giver but as I grip tightly to the silver locket running my thumb ever-so gently over the intricate painting of a dandelion, I find what I need. How fitting the rain begins to fall so heavily now as I watch the remains of my family being lowered into the ground. The heavy drops mask the tears that I ashamedly try to hide. _No one will ever see me cry._

 

After my family were brutally murdered, the house that I was born in was no longer mine. Repossessed with all evidence of that horrific night erased, readied for a new family to move in.

 

The murderers were never found. Peacekeepers reported that my father was warned that his illegal dealings in the hob would inevitably catch up to him.

 

But my father had no enemies. Everyone knew him to be a kind, honest and hardworking man. This was one of many lies Cray and his cronies spun to cover up something far beyond my comprehension. What little possessions my family owned were sold and the money given to the undertaker as full payment for my father, mother and sisters’ burial.

 

Gale’s mother Hazelle insisted I stay with them but this meant another mouth to feed. After his father was killed in a mining accident, Gale took his place and worked double shifts to help support his mother and siblings. The last thing they needed was an added burden. So, marrying a stranger from one of the richer districts or the Capitol seemed my only choice.

 

What options were there? I had no means to support myself other than hunting but that was becoming increasingly dangerous with the spate of recent floggings and hangings. People were scared to trade with me which made my situation even more precarious.

 

Even after the Hunger Games were abolished years ago, the Capitol kept its firm grip on each district insisting their Peacekeepers were there to enforce law and order. Sure, the reaping of our children ceased but the oppression of its people remains. There are whispered rumours of a revolution but that’s all they are…whispers.

 

Many women including those from the Capitol either died or became infertile after the ‘great sickness’ which left a huge demand for young, single and fertile women. The Capitol were quick to introduce the Mail-Order-Bride Initiative to combat the decrease in population. The decision to sign up was made easy and seemed the lesser of two evils after Head Peacekeeper Cray made his odious intentions clear to me.

 

As a token of the Capitol’s good will, I was given a small sum of coin for registering which I gladly gave to Hazelle. What I didn’t expect was to receive my summons at the end of the first week. I walked through the district in a haze... _I'm going to the Capitol._

 

Saying my goodbyes to the Hawthorne’s was hard and the lonely walk to the train station even more so, as I stopped to take one last look around District 12. I have lived here for all my eighteen years and memories are all that’s left. There is nothing for me here.

 

“You don’t have to go through with this Katniss. Madge can get us into the Justice Building and file for a marriage licence. We can be married by the end of the day. It’s not too late.”

 

Gale rushed to meet me after his shift ended still trying to convince me to marry him. But I can’t let him sacrifice his happiness. It would be a debt I could never repay and we would hate each other in the end. His heart belongs to Madge and I could never allow my situation to come between them. He will always be the big brother that I never had and I know his future is with the kind, petite fair-haired girl waiting for him at the edge of town. As for me, my future awaits in the Capitol.

 

“It’s too late Gale. I was married to my husband by special proxy yesterday. It’s done!” I snap, cringing at my abruptness.

 

Gale stops in his tracks. “Who is it? Did they tell you?”

 

I shake my head. He knows the rule forbidding mail-order-brides from knowing the identity of their husbands until their first meeting. This became law and a guarantee that brides would not back out. The punishment for refusing to honour their contract was dealt with severely although it was unclear what that punishment was. These brides were never seen or heard from again.

 

“I’m sorry Katniss, I wish there was something I could have done.” Gale says.

 

“None of this is your fault and I appreciate your offer…I do but you need to go and be with Madge and have lots of babies.” I tell him, trying my best to sound positive.

 

Gale kisses the top of my head and hugs me tightly before releasing me. The whistle blows telling me it’s time to leave.

 

“I’ll write if I can.” I say as I board the train.

 

Taking my designated seat on the train, I look in astonishment at the opulence that surrounds me. The Capitol is out to make an impression. It's clear no expense has been spared as I take in the shining brass, crystal and mahogany tables overflowing with food. I suppose it's meant to ensure that the new initiative is successful but right now, I have no interest in it.

 

Looking out of the window as I wave to Gale, I notice another man lurking in the shadows. It’s the town drunk Haymitch Abernathy and normally I wouldn’t think twice about seeing him but something about the way he is staring at me sends a shiver down my spine. I at once shrug the feeling off. _I’m being paranoid._

 

I've been travelling for a few hours and my head is already filled with so many questions, I watch the countryside pass me by, hoping to distract myself. The speed of the train is faster than anything I have ever known and I begin to wonder what life in the Capitol will be like for a girl from the Seam.

 

What sort of man picks a bride from a catalogue and pays an undisclosed amount of money for the privilege? Will he be a kind man or a monster like Cray? Will he want children? _Of course, that’s the whole idea surrounding the initiative._ My stomach twists painfully at the thought.

 

“Miss Katniss Everdeen?” A strange voice asks.

 

Startled, I look up to see two men in black suits, peering down at me. Their faces void of any expression.

 

“Yes, I’m Katniss Everdeen.” I say, as my eyes flick from one face then to the other.

 

“Your paperwork please.” One of the men orders. He takes it, reading over each line carefully, giving me an appraising glance before he slaps the packet into my hand.

 

“Everything seems to be in order. If you will follow us Miss Everdeen.” He says, gesturing for me to stand. “Bring your belongings with you. You will not be returning.” The other man adds.

 

 _Not returning?_ I don’t have much in the way of possessions apart from my locket that I keep close to me. I have a change of clothing and my mother’s blue dress and hairbrush as well as Prim’s homemade soap, all neatly packed in my father’s old hunting bag.

 

The train stops and I am escorted off. The two black-suited men signal the guard on board, allowing the train to continue its journey. There are no buildings in sight and I can’t help feeling a little anxious.

 

“Why have we stopped here and why am I the only passenger to disembark? My papers state that I am to be delivered to my husband in the Capitol.” My heart rate quickens as the train begins to roll away.

 

“We have special orders to deliver you in person Miss Everdeen. The hovercraft is due to land in approximately three minutes.”

 

“Hovercraft? Where are you taking me?” I begin to shout as fear takes hold.

 

“Calm down Miss Everdeen! We are not at liberty to discuss details with you. Please refrain from speaking with us until we reach District 13. You will be met by your husband’s representative as soon as we land.”

 

“There is no District 13! You need to take me to the Capitol.” I insist but stop, hearing a strange humming sound approaching from above.

 

Looking up, I am stupefied at what I see. I’ve only ever seen a hovercraft on the compulsory viewing station that the Capitol insists all citizens watch but seeing one this close, doesn’t compare. I’m almost ashamed to admit my disappointment once on board. Cold, hard steel and emptiness. There doesn’t appear to be any viewing windows either so I stare into the blankness. How different from the train.

 

I feel like a prisoner strapped into my seat but I am told it is for my safety. The flight is long and bumpy and I am somewhat relieved when we finally land.

 

Flanked by the two dark-suited men, I walk out of the hovercraft onto a steel platform and from the lack of any natural light, I surmise that we must be deep underground.

 

There is a middle-aged man waiting at the entrance of a large door. As I draw nearer to him, there’s a kindness in his eyes that looks familiar. _A calming shade of blue_. I shake the thought from my head.

 

“Hello Katniss. Welcome to your new home.”

 

I shake his outreached hand and look at him curiously.

 

“You don’t remember me, do you? Has it been that long?” The man asks. “Your father used to bring you and your sister to my bakery every Sunday. Don’t tell me you forgot about my famous cheese buns? I believe they were your favourite.” He says proudly.

 

The Mellark Bakery. _Yes, I remember now!_ “Mr Mellark?” I ask to be sure. He nods. “I don’t understand any of this. I was supposed to go to the Capitol…to my husband but I was taken off the train and brought here…to a district that doesn’t exist! And now you! Everyone said you and your family moved to the Capitol.” I exclaim in my confused state.

 

“Yes, we did but ...” Mr Mellark begins to say. “We have a lot to discuss and I promise to tell you everything you need to know but first please accept my condolences. I was shocked to hear what happened to your family, we all were. Your husband was so distraught when he found out and wanted to send for you straight away but our agents were keeping a close eye on you and the moment you registered for the Capitol’s new initiative, we seized the opportunity.”

 

There’s a slight pause before Mr Mellark continues. “I know how confusing all this sounds and you must have a million questions to ask but for now I must get you settled.”

 

“You bet I have questions and I'd like my answers now! You can start by telling me who ‘he’ is and why have 'agents' been watching me?” _I also want to know more about the Mellark family, but I don’t’ ask._

 

“All in good time my dear.” He says, gesturing for me to walk with him. “Your husband is anxious to see you but we need to get you checked by our medical staff before you can enter into the general population. Don’t worry, it’s standard procedure.” He reassures me.

 

My thoughts run wild as I follow Mr Mellark to some sort of medical facility and then to an examination room where a woman wearing a white coat over a grey uniform is waiting. She instructs me to strip from my clothing and step into a special shower and scrub from top to toe. Unlike Prim’s sweet-smelling lavender soap, the soap they use here has a bleach-like odour to it but I don’t dare complain.

 

A clean greyish cover-all is left outside the cubicle which I assume is for me to wear afterwards. I am about to dry off when another woman in a similar white coat enters the cubicle and begins to gather my clothes. My quick reflexes take the woman by surprise as I lunge for my coat. Not caring that I am wet and naked, I grasp the locket in my hand and hold it firmly to my chest.

 

“Don’t be alarmed. Your things will be returned to you once they are properly disinfected. She tells me reassuringly. “Extra care will be given to whatever you have in your hand, I’ll see to it myself.”

 

I take a few shaky breaths and relent, slowly handing over my locket. “Please…it was a special gift.” I plead, a little shocked at the sound of my quivering voice.

 

The woman nods and smiles kindly as she gently removes the locket from my hand. “It’s beautiful. I’ll take care of it.” She promises, before turning to head out the door.

 

Minutes seem to slip by as I am given several shots, vaccinations I am told and blood samples are taken. My teeth are checked and my wet hair is inspected with a special comb. Two hours later, I am given the all-clear and relieved to find Mr Mellark waiting for me at the end of the corridor.

 

My steps towards him quickens. “My things…they took my things and I want them back.” 

 

“They’re already in your quarters.” He confirms. “I am sorry about all this Katniss but you may recall from your lessons in school about the ‘great sickness’ that almost wiped out all Panem. Even in our remote location, District 13 was not immune and suffered a huge loss of life. These strict health regulations were introduced soon after. Now, let’s get you to your assigned quarters. You’ve handled all of this surprisingly well but I suspect you’re tired and a rest will do you a world of good.”

 

Mr Mellark tells me before he leaves that he will come for me in a few hours. Relief fills me when I walk into the small bedroom and find my possessions laid out neatly on a large double bed. My locket has been placed on top of my freshly washed and pressed clothes and I frantically look it over for any signs of damage but am grateful to find none. 

 

Feeling restless, I begin to look around my lodgings…no, ‘quarters’ Mr Mellark called it. I place my hair brush on top of the tallboy and open the first drawer to find neatly folded shirts, socks and male underwear inside. I shut the drawer quickly and take a breath feeling the rush of embarrassment spread over me. I walk over to the small closet and find pants and other items of clothing hanging. Of course, I will be living with my husband in these quarters. _Isn’t that what married couples do?_

 

I lay on the bed and try to rest but my mind is swirling with so many thoughts that I give up after an hour. To occupy my time, I decide to change into my dress and fix my hair in a braided bun. Reaching to the chain around my neck, I take the locket and rub it gently before I tuck it under my dress and sit on the couch. Nervousness aside, I want to look presentable to my husband. With nothing left to do, I wait. 

 

There’s a knocking sound at my door and I rush to open it. Mr Mellark is on the other side with a huge grin on his face. He has changed into a fresh pair of grey pants and shirt and his hair is combed back neatly. He’s also clutching a small bouquet of wild flowers and my heart sinks. _Oh God, is Mr Mellark my husband?_

 

He notices the panicked look on my face as he greets me. “There’s nothing to be worried about Katniss, I promise you will be well looked after.”

 

“Are you my…are we…married? I manage to splutter out.

 

Mr Mellark lets out a bellowed laugh to my dismay. “No! Whatever possessed you to think such a thing?” He says regaining some composure.

 

My hands go to the sides of my head feeling the onset of a headache. “I’m so confused right now. Everything is happening so fast. I don’t know what to believe…or who to trust and then I see you’ve changed into fresh clothes and the flowers…and well, I thought…I…I really don’t know what I thought!”

 

Muffling his laughter, Mr Mellark explains. “Ah yes, I can see why you thought that. Your husband asked me to give these to you. He picked them himself. You’re not angry, are you?” I shake my head. _No, the flowers are a lovely gesture_.  

 

“Good, now it’s not every day I get to witness a toasting and this one is special.” He replies. “You may be legally married on paper by the Capitol’s standards but it’s not official until you toast. Are you ready Katniss?” He asks enthusiastically.

 

_Marriages in District 12 are not considered official until a couple perform a toasting ceremony. But we’re not in District 12 so I'm caught off guard by his eagerness._

 

Before registering, I was made aware of two stipulations relating to the Mail-Order-Bride contract. The first one being brides will marry their husbands by proxy. The second is that brides will engage in the marriage rituals of their husband’s district once they officially meet.

 

Knowing full well what is expected of me, I convinced myself that these ceremonies would mean nothing. A toasting from my own district however, is something I wasn’t prepared for. I willingly signed up for this and so I give the only answer I can. “Yes.”

 

A lift takes us downwards and when it finally stops and the sliding doors open there is a sea of greens, reds and yellows. It’s an underground arboretum and the smell of fresh soil and pine is exhilarating.

 

Gathered around a cleared area is a small group of people. There’s a woman sitting on a bench that I don’t recognise but the three men who are standing next to her, I do. They all look a little older since the last time I saw them but there is no mistaking them. There is one other member of the Mellark family that is noticeably absent but I don’t care to ask.

 

My eyes seem to have a will of their own and lock onto the youngest son. He may not be as tall as his brothers but his broad shoulders and obvious muscular physique does not go unnoticed. He glances at me but quickly looks away. His face blushes red.

 

In the corner of my eye, I see a lone figure of a man in a dark suit, standing to attention.

 

“It’s okay Katniss, he’s just an official that is required to witness the toasting. Our independence from the Capitol came with special dispensations. This was one of them.” Mr Mellark explains. I make a mental note to add this to my growing list of questions.

 

“Now, you remember my sons?” He asks as we walk closer to the group. Brandon the eldest and Rye the middle son both greet me with wide smiles as I nod, my mouth gaped open not knowing what to say.

 

“The young woman seated over there is Brandon’s wife Lavinia. She’s unable to speak but is happy to be here for your toasting.” The woman called Lavinia smiles and waves shyly.

 

“Peeta, aren’t you going to say hello?” Mr Mellark gestures for Peeta to move closer to me.

 

Peeta takes a few hurried steps towards us then takes a deep breath before speaking. “H-h-hello Katniss. I’m Peeta Mellark...your husband.”

 

My knees start to buckle beneath me but I manage to stay upright. “Hello Peeta.” His name falls from my lips in a whisper and I am suddenly struck with a rush of heat from within. It has been over four years since I saw him last and now…I am his wife.

 

_Memories flood my thoughts. Catching Peeta glaring at me in school or in passing and how he would quickly avert his gaze just like he did moments ago. He was shy but as time went by, I noticed a shift in his mannerism. Peeta’s sweet smile was replaced by a blank almost vacant look and he became withdrawn. We never spoke, not really. Only sharing fleeted glances but I felt a strange sense of loss when he and his family moved to the Capitol._

 

“You…you were the one who bought me?” My words sound cold and I want to kick myself.

 

The smile on his face disappears. “Please Katniss, don’t say it like that. I wanted to come for you. I tried but...” He stops to take a breath. “This was the only way and you’re safe now…with me...and you look beautiful and you’re my wife.” He babbles.

 

“She got that part dummy! Get to the toasting already!” His brother Rye yells impatiently. “Ow! That hurt.” He protests, rubbing the back of his head.

 

“It was meant to!” Brandon says, sounding rather pleased with himself at his quick delivery of a slap to Rye’s head.

 

“You’re doing great Peeta, keep going.” His oldest brother says encouragingly.

 

All this adds to my confused and overwhelmed state but when I look to Peeta, there’s a sadness in his eyes. He looks down at his feet and nods muttering under his breath before speaking. I barely catch it. “I wanted to come for you Katniss…but I had to get better.”

 

_He had to get better?_

 

Mr Mellark places his hand on Peeta’s shoulder. “We can talk about this later son reflection time is almost over.” His father announces.

 

Peeta lifts his head and straightens his shoulders “Yes, I’m sorry.” Clearing his throat, Peeta looks at me and I am mesmerised by how blue his eyes are. “Katniss Everdeen, I would very much like for you to toast with me, if you will allow it.” He says sweetly.

 

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. I am bound to Peeta by the marriage laws of Panem and that should be enough but how can I deny him? I could have done a lot worse. “Yes, I’ll allow it.”

 

Peeta smiles and whispers under his breath before walking over to Lavinia who is still seated on the bench. She hands him a small covered tray and he thanks her before bringing it me. “I’m sorry we can’t light a fire but I toasted the slices in the kitchen ovens myself. They’re still warm.”

 

He carefully removes the clean cloth and at that precise moment my stomach begins to rumble at the aroma of freshly toasted bread. I realise I haven’t eaten since this morning. “We get to eat at the end of reflection.” Peeta whispers smilingly.

 

Everyone gathers around as Peeta and I begin to toast. It is a simple tradition, one that dates back hundreds of years but to those from my district, it is one that has special meaning. No words are needed. Just the feeding of toasted bread to each other which signifies a couple’s commitment to love and protect one another no matter what.

 

Peeta gently places a piece of toasted bread in my mouth and tells me he will always protect me. I chew slowly trying to think of something to say. The words “thank you” spill from my mouth as I feed him my piece of bread and I know as soon as I say them, how inadequate they must seem but he smiles and chews. It is done…we are now bound together by the laws of District 12.

 

There’s shouts of ‘hooray’ and ‘congratulations’ from Peeta’s brothers and father. Lavinia walks over to us smiling and hugs us both. I look to see the dark-suited man is walking towards the lift satisfied that we followed the rules. I turn to Peeta and catch him staring at me but this time he doesn’t look away. Neither do I.  Before long, a woman’s voice comes through the loud speaker announcing reflection time has finished and dinner will be served in the communal dining hall.

 

As we enter the dining hall, I begin to feel a little intimidated by the large number of people gathered in one place. Peeta tells me this is where everyone in the district eats regardless of rank or position. “Don’t let their stares worry you. They do that to all new comers.” Peeta must sense my discomfort and is quick to reassure me.

 

He sits next to me, handing me a rather large serving of meat and vegetable stew that smells amazing with two freshly baked bread rolls on the side. I question where his meal is and he tells me he wasn’t hungry so he piled his serving onto mine. _That won’t do._

 

“No Peeta, I’m not going to take your food. You’re going to share this meal with me or I don’t eat either. Okay?” I say stubbornly handing him a heaped spoonful of stew.

 

“Okay.” He yields and eats the first spoonful before filling it with more stew to hand back to me.

 

“Aww, look guys they’ve only been married an hour and she’s already bossing baby brother about.” Rye says but quickly looks down to his food and continues to eat quietly after both Mr Mellark and Brandon give him a look. Lavinia who has been quiet, covers her mouth trying to hide her smile.

 

After we finish eating, I listen intently to Mr Mellark and Brandon talk about life in District 13. How everyone is assigned duties for the common good of each citizen. There are three square meals a day and everyone has the freedom to speak their own mind without the fear of receiving a lashing or something worse. Brandon calls it ‘democracy’. Everyone undergoes basic military training and thirteen has its own elite Peacekeeping squads. I cringe at the mention of Peacekeepers but Peeta tells me they are nothing like the ones back in District 12. 

 

When Brandon tells me that every citizen in thirteen has access to free ‘state of the art’ medical care, I think of my mother and sister. They were natural born healers and would have flourished here. Their knowledge of herbal medicines and salves would have proven invaluable. Peeta sees me deep in thought and gently brushes my hand with his fingers. Surprisingly, I don’t flinch at the sudden contact. In fact, I find it comforting.

 

The overall running of the district falls to President Alma Coin and she was instrumental in freeing District 13 from the tyranny that is the Capitol. 

 

It doesn’t seem fair. How could District 13 thrive in secret and ignore the sufferings of others? There is so much more I want to know but that annoying woman on the loud speaker announces meal time is over and sleep time is due to start. Everyone adheres to these rules and only those with specifically assigned roles are exempt. _This will take some getting used to._

 

Peeta slides the door open and waits for me to enter our quarters first. I take small hesitant steps inside and I can’t help feeling nervous. This is my wedding night after all but I’ve never done anything like this.

 

“I know what you’re thinking Katniss but you don’t have to worry. I would never do anything to hurt you or do anything you don’t want. I’ll be sleeping on the couch.”

 

“We’re married now Peeta. I’m supposed to obey my husband.” I say almost robotically.

 

“No! I don’t want you to obey me Katniss. I didn’t marry you like this for you to think you owe me or you have a duty to fulfil. That’s not why I did it.”

 

“Then why did you do it Peeta?”

 

He pauses. “You’ve gone through so much. Losing your whole family and your home. I knew you were out of options when you registered for this initiative. The thought of someone touching you, hurting you like they did to Lavinia. It would kill me.”

 

Peeta stops. He shakes his head not wanting to continue but I insist. “Did someone hurt Lavinia?” He nods, closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath.

 

“Lavinia was a mail-order-bride too. Her husband was a cruel man from the Capitol. She couldn’t fall pregnant and so he sold her because she was ‘flawed goods’. She was assigned to an escort agency but refused to service their clientele. As punishment, they cut out her tongue and shipped her to District 11 to work in the fields. Lavinia’s an Avox.”

 

My breathing stops as I take this all in. Lavinia never said a word during our toasting or dinner because…she couldn’t.

 

“How did she get to be here?”

 

“Lavinia and a few others from District 11 devised a plan to escape. Brandon and his squad were on a routine reconnaissance mission when they found her, barely alive. The other escapees never made it. The thought of something like that happening to you…”

 

Peeta’s clenches his hands into tight fists and I can see the tips of his knuckles turning white. “I won’t let anyone hurt you Katniss.”

 

I take his hands in mine and bring them to my lips softly kissing them. “I know, because you will always keep me safe.” I say to him softly.

 

Peeta nods and stares into my eyes and I wonder if he will kiss me but he doesn’t. “We’ve both had a big day. I think we should get ready for bed.” He says bringing me back from my thoughts. “I’d like to show you around tomorrow if you like. I’ve been relieved of my duties for a few days and it may take some time before you are assigned one. It’s not home but after a while you’ll see that it’s really not so bad here.”

 

_It’s not home but I will try and settle in for his sake._

 

We take turns in the bathroom and ready ourselves for bed. Peeta has already laid blankets and a pillow on the couch and makes himself comfortable.

 

“Good night Katniss. I’m so happy you’re here with me.” He says from the couch.

 

“I’m happy I’m here with you too. Good night Peeta.” I say softly before entering the bedroom and turning off the lights.

 

I have been in District 13 for ten days now and still haven’t been assigned any duties but Peeta tells me to enjoy my free time while I can. He leaves in the early hours of the morning to work in the kitchen bakery until midday then he comes back to our quarters to shower and change. The rest of the afternoon and night are ours to spend as we wish and quite often Peeta takes me down to the underground arboretum during reflection time because he knows how much I enjoy being there.

 

Things progress slowly between us. We both agreed to share the bed after I would wake in the middle of the night from one of my nightmares only to hear Peeta whimpering in his sleep. His nightmares would often leave him shaking and calling out for me. So, every night he holds me in his arms and I rest my head on his chest, listening to the rhythmic beat of his heart which always lulls me to sleep. Peeta says that holding me in his arms helps him too. _I’m glad._

 

Most mornings, Peeta wakes up smiling and eager to get to work so he can spend the rest of the day with me. But these last two days have been a struggle for him and even though he tries to shake it off and tell me that he’s just tired, I know there’s something more.

 

Walking back to our quarters after dinner, Peeta places his arm around my waist and I snuggle closer to his body, letting him know I’m perfectly okay with it even though I was a little annoyed with him earlier. Peeta snapped at me today when I asked about his mother. I remember her always angry and almost every day she could be heard yelling at her boys. Peeta mostly.

 

“I’m sorry I got angry today Katniss. I’ve been a little edgy lately but I promise things will get better soon.” Peeta tells me.

 

“I didn’t mean to upset you. You know that, right?” He nods. “You’ve been a bit out of sorts lately but you know whatever it is, you can talk to me. We shouldn’t have any secrets between us.” I tell him honestly, remembering how my parents would always discuss things together. “You’re not sick of me already?” I add jokingly.

 

Peeta turns me to face him and cups my face in his hands. “Don’t say that Katniss…don’t ever say that.” He says pleadingly and kisses me softly on the lips. This is the first time Peeta has kissed me there and the tingly feeling leaves me wanting more but we are interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

 

I turn around to see an older gentleman with spectacles looking a little flustered. “Oh, my apologies for the intrusion but I’ve been looking all over for this young man. Your father said you were heading back to your quarters.” The man continues.

 

“I haven’t seen you for a few days now and my secretary informed me that you keep cancelling your appointments.”

 

Peeta doesn’t say anything and holds onto me tightly.

 

The man turns his attention to me. “Ah, this must be your beautiful bride Katniss. I’m pleased to finally meet you. Peeta has told me so much about you during our sessions. I feel like I know you already. I’m sorry, where are my manners. Let me introduce myself, I’m Dr Albert Aurelius.”

 

 _Peeta spoke about me before?_ I take the doctor’s offered hand and shake it. “I wasn’t aware that Peeta was sick. Is there something I should know?” I ask, turning to my husband.

 

Peeta looks to the doctor but doesn’t comment. There’s a look of anger in his eyes and I know he’s keeping something from me.

 

“I’m afraid that is a discussion you need to have with your husband.” Dr Aurelius replies. “Peeta, I can only stress the importance of you sticking to our scheduled appointments. Now, I have some free time tomorrow around 2:00pm. You can bring Katniss along. I’d be happy to speak with both of you.”

 

“No! I don’t want Katniss to be there.” Peeta practically shouts and I find myself a little hurt at this rejection.

 

“Very well Peeta, but I still expect to see you in my office tomorrow at 2:00pm.” The doctor confirms.

 

Peeta only nods in agreement. Dr Aurelius smiles and bids his farewell before leaving in the opposite direction.

 

_Perhaps I’m being a little hasty in my decision but I instantly feel distrust towards this doctor._

 

Peeta doesn’t say anything and I decide to stay silent for a few minutes but my head is full of questions that needs answers. “Why do you need to see a doctor Peeta, are you sick?” I finally ask.

 

“No. He’s not that kind of doctor.” Peeta answers trying to be non-committal.

 

“Well then, what kind of doctor is he?”

 

Peeta is silent as we approach our quarters choosing to ignore me.

 

“Peeta, you’re not answering my questions. If there is something wrong with you I think I should know.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with me! Why does everyone say there is!” Peeta’s tone grows harsh.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry.” I say as I take a step back.

 

“Forget it! Just leave it…maybe he was right all along.”

 

“He? Peeta, who’s he? Dr Aurelius? Maybe I should go with you and see this doctor tomorrow.” I say, trying not to let my emotions carry me away.

 

“Drop it Katniss. I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want you talking to Dr Aurelius okay! Things will get better, you’ll see.” Peeta stops at our door and slides it open with such force that it rattles.

 

He’s talking in riddles and it’s infuriating. “No, I won’t drop it. We need to talk. I want to help you.” I demand as we walk into our quarters.

 

Peeta has his back to me. **“He doesn’t need your help!”** A voice sounds and I look around the room thinking that someone snuck into our quarters without me noticing. But there’s no one here but Peeta and I.

 

 _I must have imagined it. So much has happened to me these last few months that my mind is surely playing tricks on me. Did I just here Peeta say ‘he’?_ Before I can say anything, Peeta tells me he is going to get ready for bed and closes the bathroom door behind him muttering to himself.

 

Pacing the room, I wait for Peeta to finally come out of the bathroom as thoughts run through my head like a freight train. The subject about his mother was brushed aside and he did the same with Dr Aurelius just now.

 

Initially, going into the Mail-Order-Bride Initiative without feeling or care was just a means of survival. I would never allow myself to have a strong connection with my husband but this is Peeta! Whether it was luck or fate that brought us together, I know I have an important role to play in all of this.

 

I no longer want to be that lonely girl from District 12. No! I’m his wife now and I’m going to help him get through whatever this is and to do that we need to talk about everything, even the deep stuff. _I have that right, don’t I?_   

  

When Peeta finally comes out from the bathroom, I meet him by the couch.

 

My heart feels like it’s going to explode from my chest but this needs to start somewhere. “Peeta, where is your mother?” I finally ask the question that has been playing on my mind.

 

He sighs deeply and shakes his head. “You don’t need to worry about her Katniss. She can’t hurt either of us ever again.”

 

But that answer does nothing to satisfy my curiosity so I ask him again. “But what happened to her.”

 

“I’d rather not talk about her right now, okay?” Peeta begins to rub his hands nervously against the fabric of his pyjama pants before standing abruptly to pace the room.

 

“No, you can’t keep brushing me off like this. We need to talk about it.”

 

“Please Katniss, I don’t want to talk about her, not now…just not now!”

 

“When Peeta? You keep saying that. We can’t start our lives together with secrets.” I start to explain but am interrupted by Peeta…only it’s not his voice. 

 

 **“HE SAID HE DOESN’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER!”** The words coming from Peeta's mouth are sharp and cold. _What is happening?_

 

“Peeta?” I reach out my hand to touch him but he pushes me away.

 

 **“LEAVE PEETA ALONE!”** He growls.

 

The voice coming from Peeta’s lips is not his. Unfamiliar and much deeper, it hits me like a punch. I watch in disbelief as his face morphs, revealing a cold, fierce expression, the line of his jaw clenched, making his features appear more angular. When I catch his eyes I shiver, the pupils have blown, changing from a deep blue to an unending pool of black. Am I imagining all this? I don’t know if I can trust what I'm seeing. “Peeta please, what’s wrong.”

 

 **“I SAID LEAVE PEETA ALONE!”** Peeta is looking down at me but when I look to his eyes it’s not Peeta that I see. Fear races up my spine.

 

He is staring angrily at me and those dark eyes shake me to the core. My body starts to tremble as I take the few backward steps needed to reach the door. With my hands behind my back, I feel for the door handle and once I have it in my hand, I slide it open and run. I run so fast that I don’t realise I have gone down six flights of emergency exit stairwells before I stop to catch my breath.

 

I search for somewhere to hide. Somewhere I can sort out in my head what I just saw. Do I even trust myself to believe it? As I frantically look around my surroundings, I find a small storage room that is unlocked and rush inside locking the door behind me. I crawl behind some shelving and curl my knees tightly to my chest. I reach for my locket bringing it to my lips and I do something that I have not done in a long while. I begin to cry. Salty tears sting my eyes and the more I try to supress them, the more they flow.

 

Oh God! That wasn’t Peeta.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big 'thank you' to my beta Shannon17 for my beautiful banner. I am grateful for her feedback, brainstorming and never-ending support and guidance. Not to mention, helping me rise above that grey cloud called self-doubt.

 

 

_“Help me Katniss!” I hear the desperation in Peeta’s voice as I search for him in vain. He calls out to me again but I can’t see him through the cold, eerie mist that surrounds me. I try to run to the sound of his voice but my legs feel like they’re made of lead. “PEETA! I’m here…I’m right here.” I shout, trying to guide him to me. Peeta’s shadowy figure approaches slowly towards me, calling for me. I will my legs to move and run to his out-stretched arms where I know his warm embrace and steady heart beat will calm me and when I reach him, I feel relieved. Peeta? His arms around me tighten but he doesn’t say anything. Peeta? I say again as I look up to see those black-pooled eyes peering down at me._

 

I wake with a jolt, gasping for air. My head turns from side to side in a panic until I remember where I am and what brought me here, hiding away from the world like a frightened child. _How long have I been here?_   I bring my hands to my face and wipe away fresh tears as I hear a muffled voice and footsteps nearing closer. My heart rate soars.

 

“This is all my fault. I should have told her from the beginning but how do I even begin to explain any of this? Yes, I know but I should have handled this better. Peeta was doing so well, he wanted it so bad…for her.” I recognise the voice, it’s Mr Mellark who continues to speak, pausing in between each sentence.  

 

“We have to find her. Peeta won’t listen to anyone until he sees her.” From the confines of this small space, I can hear Mr Mellark continue his lonely conversation.

 

Feeling as if my body is about to break, I move ever so carefully to stretch out the creaks in my back and neck and in doing so, I knock over a small box, spilling its contents. _Damn it!_

 

“Katniss, are you in there?” Mr Mellark’s voice questions. “It’s alright dear, you can come out now. No one is going to hurt you. He says assuring me. “We’ve been so worried.”  

 

I keep silent for a moment not even daring to breathe but I know I can’t stay in here forever. “Peeta…he--.” I pause, recounting the events that led me to be in here. “It wasn’t Peeta. He would never frighten me that way.” I try to block the image from my mind.

 

“I’m so sorry Katniss, just come out. There are things I need to tell you about Peeta...things that I should have told you when you arrived. Please, come out and I will tell you everything I know.” He promises.

 

I consider his words and shake my head. Can I trust this man? He’s been keeping things from me and at this point can I even trust he will tell me the whole truth. What I know for sure is that if I’m ever going to get answers, it needs to start now. “No! Not until you start telling me what happened to Peeta.” I demand.

 

I hear Mr Mellark take a long deep breath before exhaling. “Peeta has been struggling with his illness for a while now but he improved rapidly the moment he knew we were able to bring you here. You were his reason to come back.”

 

“Come back? You’re not making any sense! Come back from where?” I snapped.

 

I’m met with silence again. Placing my ear against the door, I hear Mr Mellark whispering to himself to which I find has become quite frustrating. “I’m not moving until you start talking!” I add.

 

“I’m sorry Katniss, there is no way to make this conversation easy so I’m going to start from the beginning. We’ve been excused from our duties for the day so we have time. Please, just come out of there. I don’t want to be talking to you through a door.” He tries to reason, but I refuse to budge from my sanctuary.

 

“No!”

 

I hear shuffling about from the other side of the door and a deep huff of breath before Mr Mellark speaks. “What was the last thing you remember talking to Peeta about…before he lost control?”

 

“His mother!” I answer, brief and to the point. “He didn’t want to talk about her but I kept asking him. I-I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong…that’s when his voice changed and his eyes--.”

 

I’m surprised by the lack of hesitation when Mr Mellark replies. “His mother is dead Katniss.” He says matter-of-factly. “The boys found her body in the alley behind the bakery. She had been strangled.”

 

I let out a loud gasp as I bring my hands to my mouth. Although I never liked the woman, the thought of another person being murdered just as my family were, shocks me. The memory of seeing my family’s bodies suddenly flashes to the forefront of my mind. That image will never leave me. My father was a strong man and he fought hard to try and save mother and Prim. His bludgeoned body was proof that there must have been more than one attacker.

 

“I know that would have been so upsetting for Peeta, to see his mother that way but it doesn’t explain what I heard and saw.”

 

There’s another pause before Mr Mellark answers. “Brandon and Rye discovered her body. We didn’t know where Peeta was.” I sense his apprehension but he carries on.  

 

“We went to the train station to pick up our monthly baking supplies from the Capitol. Peeta would beg me to take him with us but Beatrix always insisted he stay with her on delivery days, claiming she needed him to run some errands. I never questioned her.

 

The train arrived late that afternoon so by the time we got home it was well after dark. As soon as we were in sight of the bakery, I knew something was amiss. There were no lights on and as we reached the door to the bakery, it was unlocked. I called out to both Beatrix and Peeta but there was no answer. My first thought was a robbery but we had nothing left that was worth stealing. I told the boys to check outside while I looked around the shop front and the upstairs living area.”

 

I take in everything that Mr Mellark is saying but he’s holding something back. “Where was Peeta?” I question, fearing his answer. I’m met with silence. “Mr Mellark, where was Peeta?”

 

The silence is almost unnerving and yet again, Mr Mellark begins to talk to himself and I question whether his sanity has been affected by all this.

 

“Yes, of course you’re right. I’m not going to hide anything from her. She deserves to know everything.” I hear him say.

 

His self-conversations are beginning to wear thin on me and without thinking, I blurt. “Stop talking to yourself!”

 

“Oh no dear, I’m sorry I should have told you before.” He starts to explain. “Lavinia is here with me and we’re talking to each other.” I am about to ask how this is possible when Mr Mellark adds. “She uses her hands and fingers to communicate. We call it sign language.”

 

Hearing that Lavinia is here and able to communicate gives me the courage to slowly open the door but I leave it slightly ajar to see them both standing there. I open the door wider and my eyes squint at the sudden brightness of the fluorescent lights above. Lavinia smiles warmly and starts to move her hands in practiced motions which Mr Mellark watches carefully before translating her hand movements back to me.

 

“Lavinia says that she's sorry that you're afraid but wants you to know that Peeta would never hurt you. She promised Peeta we would find you...he needs to see that you are safe.”

 

I don’t think I’m ready to face Peeta but I take in Lavinia’s words and clumsily walk out of the storage room and into her open arms. She holds me, gently stroking my back, rocking me from side to side as a mother would her child. Turning to Mr Mellark, I see the strain clearly etched on his face but I need him to continue. Lavinia begins to sign but he seems to be fixated on something. My locket. I remember holding onto it tightly last night and in all the confusion, I must have forgotten to tuck it back under my shirt. Noticing his awkward stare, I quickly hide it from view.

 

Mr Mellark clears his throat returning his gaze back to Lavinia. “I’m sorry, what? Yes, I’m fine dear, I’m just tired and it’s still hard to talk about this, even now.” Mr Mellark lowers his head as we watch him slowly turn and walk to one of the chairs against the wall and sits, burying his hands over his face.

 

Lavinia and I follow, moving two chairs to sit opposite him. “I’m still listening and I’m not going anywhere until you tell me everything.” I utter.

 

He nods, lowering his hands and entwining them as if in prayer. The trace of tears welling in his eyes. “The boys carried their mother through the back door of the bakery and laid her on the kitchen floor before covering her body hastily with a few hessian bags. We ran back to the alley searching for Peeta and all I could think _was please…not my boy_ but thankfully he wasn’t there. When we came back to the bakery, we searched upstairs but it wasn’t until we were back downstairs that we heard a whimpering sound coming from the basement.”

 

It’s then Mr Mellark begins to cry and my stomach tightens. “Peeta was down there.” He manages to say before covering his face again.

 

I try to urge him on but Lavinia grabs my attention and brings a finger to her mouth. _“Shshshsh”_ she seems to be gesturing. So, I wait rather impatiently for him to continue.

 

“I had no idea. You must understand this Katniss. I never knew this was happening.” He confesses.

 

I begin to question the relevance of his confession with the change in Peeta’s demeanour. As Mr Mellark continues, I realise that there would have been no way to prepare myself for what he was about to say next.

 

“We opened the basement door and walked down the steps calling out his name. Oh God, I will never forget hearing his whimpering as we got closer.” He chokes out. “His…his hands and feet were tied to the posts of the old bed we left there for storage. He was naked, face down and all I could see were the marks and bruises covering his back.”

 

My body reacts before I can process what I just heard and lunge for Mr Mellark, knocking him and his chair over in the process. I hit, punch and gauge at his body and face with every inch of strength I have. “You bastard!” I scream repeatedly. Lavinia manages to break me apart from him and I’m left weak and breathless as tears I thought were depleted, begin to fall from my eyes.

 

Mr Mellark could have easily stopped me but he didn’t lift a finger to block my relentless strikes. He picks himself and the upturned chair from the floor and sits back down.   

 

Moments pass and the silence is almost deafening as I begin to pace the floor. I’m startled when Mr Mellark speaks again. “Rye let out a scream before running away. Brandon was visibly shaken but he helped me untie Peeta and carry him up to his room. That was the first time I heard Peeta talk the way you described earlier. As we were untying him there was a noticeable difference in the tone of his voice.  He kept saying **“You didn't help Peeta but I stayed. I protected him.”**

 

Mr Mellark breaks down again and I think at this point he cannot go any further but Lavinia brings her hand to his shoulder grabbing his attention to sign. He acknowledges this and whatever she said seems to give him strength to continue.

 

“I was thankful to see Rye return soon after with your mother and father behind him. He ran all the way to your house knowing Peeta would need your mother’s help.”

 

_My mother would often be called away in the middle of the night to deliver a baby or tend to an injured miner or a sick child with fever. There were a few ‘good’ Peacekeepers in District 12 who would be on night watch duty and knew my mother was a healer. They never questioned what she was doing out so late but my father would still go with her. It was unsafe to walk the streets alone at night. Prim and I would wake in the mornings to find either Gale, Vick or Rory sleeping on the couch outside our room. My father made sure his girls were safe until he and mother returned._

“Peeta’s strange voice warned no one come near him but your mother spoke softly, reassuring him that she was not there to hurt him or Peeta.” Mr Mellark says. “She seemed to understand what was happening and told him that she only wanted to tend to Peeta’s wounds. I was in awe of your mother’s natural ability to calm him. If your mother was frightened by what she heard and saw, she never let on. Her kind voice and gentleness finally brought Peeta back from the darkness.”

 

Mr Mellark goes on to tell me how my father left earlier to fetch the undertaker saying he would take care of everything for which he was grateful. When my mother had finished examining Peeta, taking extra care to clean and dress his wounds, she gave him sleep syrup and waited until he was asleep and resting comfortably before leaving his bedroom.

 

“Your mother remained strong throughout her encounter with Peeta and the strange way he was acting but it wasn’t until she closed Peeta’s bedroom door and quietly walked over to us waiting in the living room, then she allowed herself to weep. Rye and Brandon made tea and fresh biscuits and we sat around the dining table waiting for your father to return.”

 

_I noticed the change in Peeta when we were in school. Had it been going on since then? I suddenly feel ashamed of the way I turned on Mr Mellark. If Peeta’s sudden change was a sign that this was happening, then I am guilty in a way for ignoring it. I want to scream at the world. How could anyone do this to him?_

 

“Peeta wasn’t running errands for your wife, was he?” There’s harshness in the tone of my voice but I somehow know the answer before asking the question.

 

He looks up to the ceiling and his chin begins to quiver. “My wife Beatrix was constantly in pain with her back, always blaming her ailments to her last pregnancy. I think that’s why she was so hard on Peeta. As time went on, her pain became worse.”

 

Under normal circumstances, I would have felt some pity for this woman but I feel nothing. “Go on, I’m still listening.” I add coldly.

 

“The pills I managed to buy illegally from the hob worked but eventually their effectiveness wore off. She needed stronger medicine which I could barely afford. I worked longer hours in the bakery, trying to make enough coin to buy what she needed but it was never enough. The price would rise each time.”

 

_I remember Gale telling me about Madge’s mother who hardly left her bedroom because of her headaches. Mr Undersee was seen on many occasions, buying morphling from Head Peacekeeper Cray who seemed to have an abundant supply…for a price!_

 

“At first, the silverware that my mother gave as a wedding present went missing then other items around the house started to disappear. It soon became clear to me that Beatrix was selling anything of value to buy morphling from Cray.

 

Against my wife’s wishes, I went to see your mother and she made a special tea to help with her pain but she refused anything your mother offered. She screamed at me, calling your mother a seam whore and cursing me for bringing the tea in the house. She threatened to find a way to hurt me but I never took her threats seriously...I should have.” The sound of regret echoing from him.

 

“She sold Peeta to Head Peacekeeper Cray, didn’t she?”

  

“Yes, she did.”He confirms, his voice splintering with pain.

  

Blood runs cold, a drum pounds in my head, knees buckle and I slump against the wall as the words leave me strangled and mute.

  

Mr Mellark’s posture straightens as he re-tells his encounter with the Head Peacekeeper. “Cray, flanked by two peacekeepers, came to the bakery the next day stating we had important business to discuss. He ordered his men to stand guard outside stopping any customers from entering and I knew without reservation what was behind his visit.

 

Once we were alone, he made no attempt to hide the fact that he had a hand in my wife’s death…gloating as he explained. Aware of his plans to gain profit by selling Peeta to other peacekeepers, Beatrix demanded double the amount of morphling, refusing Cray access to Peeta until he agreed to her terms. She was silenced permanently for her hubris and he warned that we would suffer the same fate if any one of us interfered with his business arrangement.

 

Cray made it clear that I was to hand Peeta over to him each delivery day, it took all the power in me not to strangle him myself. I was thankful that Brandon was with me otherwise there would have been no one to stop me.

 

There was no choice but to agree to his sick demands. I knew then I had to get Peeta out of District 12. I never asked how or why but two days later, a woman I’d never met before, came to the bakery handing me forged paperwork for me and the boys. She instructed us to be ready, pack light and she would come for us. We just had to wait for the right moment.

 

Our break came rather unexpectedly when Cray was ordered to return to the Capitol for a mandatory meeting of district Head Peacekeepers. We were long gone by the time he returned. Just as we'd hoped, rumours of us moving to the Capitol had spread like wildfire throughout the district.”

 

“What is wrong with my husband?” Even with everything I’ve heard, I need to know what I’m dealing with.

 

I notice a slight hesitancy in Mr Mellark’s face but Lavinia looks to him and nods. 

 

“Peeta has a split personality.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update took a little more time than I first anticipated but it was important to get this right. 
> 
> I wanted to feature Mr Mellark in this chapter. Finding the courage to finally tell Katniss the truth behind Peeta and the strange way he's been acting was an important part of the story moving forward. He has suffered greatly because of his 'ignorance' and the guilt of what happened to Peeta will always haunt him. 
> 
> I am working on the next update and hope to have it posted in a fortnight's time. Sorry, I wish I could churn out weekly updates but I'm just not that good! :)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and I look forward to receiving your comments and thoughts.
> 
> I am justajjfan on Tumblr if you prefer to chat there. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I know I promised fortnightly updates but real life decided to throw me a few challenges. :(
> 
> My eternal thanks to shannon17 for my beautiful banner and for being the best beta EVER!

_“What does that mean?”_

 

The water was automatically turned off 20 minutes ago and I find it ironic that even showering in District 13 has a schedule. I sit in a tight ball on the cold tiled floor of the shower with my legs tucked up tightly against my chest as I go over in my head Mr Mellark’s explanation to Peeta’s condition.

_“Dr Aurelius says that Peeta developed this other personality as a way of coping with what he was being forced to do. Up until a few weeks ago, Peeta had been attending therapy sessions regularly and in that time, the doctor has only been able to establish that this other personality helped Peeta block out what was happening to him, shielding Peeta’s thoughts somehow until it was over. He still has a long way to go and there is no magical cure from what I’ve been told but with the right help, treatment can be very successful._

_There is no cure._ Those words ring loudest in my mind and they make me feel numb. I wish my family were here. My mother and father would know how to help and Prim would sit with me, she would tell me that everything would be alright. 

 

The soft knocking on the bathroom door, brings me out of my stupor and I realise I am wet and shivering from the ice-cold droplets still dripping from the shower head above. Signalling that she is coming in, Lavinia continues to knock as she enters. She sees me and holds out a large towel in her hands and bends down near me.

 

“I don’t know what to do.” I utter before letting out a sob.

 

Lavinia gently wipes the tears from my face before wrapping the towel around me, rubbing my arms and legs to bring some warmth back in my body. Helping me to my feet, she sits me on the small stool and begins to dry and dress me in clean clothes. In just a short space of time, Lavinia has gained my trust and I am thankful that she is here.

 

Along with clean clothes, Lavinia brought my mother’s hair brush from the bedroom and gestures me to stand so she can brush out the wet, matted mess that is my hair. I raise my head to face the mirror but see that it has been shattered. _I hadn’t noticed before now._

 

“Did Peeta do this?” I ask, knowing the answer before Lavinia has a chance to nod.

 

I force the image of Peeta smashing the mirror from my mind. Instead, I try to enjoy the soothing brush strokes on my hair and after a few attempts, Lavinia is finally pleased with her efforts at braiding it. Showering and putting on fresh clothes has made me feel a little less stressed.

 

I follow Lavinia out of the bathroom and she perches delicately on the lounge as we wait for Mr Mellark to take us to the clinic. To Peeta.

 

Lavinia grabs my attention and starts to sign something with her hands. It takes me a few seconds to understand that she wants something to write with. She wants to ‘talk’ to me.

 

I try to remember ever seeing writing material in our quarters as I begin to rummage through the recessed shelving. _Nothing here._ _Maybe in the bedroom._ I go straight to the chest of drawers Peeta and I share and begin to worry that my efforts will prove fruitless here as I pull out each drawer. To my surprise, I find a few loose sheets of blank paper and coloured charcoal pencils neatly bundled together with a piece of string in the bottom drawer.

 

As I grab the sheets of paper and pencils, I notice a well-used sketch pad hidden underneath. I bite my bottom lip, suddenly overcome by a strange compulsion to pick it up and flick through its pages.

 

Giving in to my impulse, I open the first page and gasp at what I see. A sketch of a sunset in all its glorious shades of colour. My fingers slowly trace each outline before moving to the bottom corner of the page to hover over the artist’s signature... ‘Peeta Mellark’ and a smile forms on my lips. The next page reveals a sketch of a meadow and my breath is taken away. _It’s beautiful!_

 

Guilt suddenly washes over me and I close the book shut. _No! I shouldn’t be going through his things._ _If Peeta wanted me to see his sketches he would have shown me himself._ I carefully return the sketch pad back where I found it and return to find Lavina, patting the seat next to her in offering.

 

She is careful not to use up too much of the paper, writing in small script, only using the words needed to communicate.

 

 _Lavinia writes:_ “Feel better?”

 

I nod as I look to her. “Yes, I’m feeling much better. I don’t know what I would have done without you being here. Thank you.”

 

Lavinia smiles and raises her hand, placing her fingers on her chin then off again. She does this a few times before writing.

_Lavinia writes:_ “Sign.  Thank you” 

 

She repeats the same movements and points to the words “thank you” urging me to copy her gesture. _I just had my first lesson in sign._

 

A knock interrupts our study as Mr. Mellark arrives. He leads us through the maze of stark hallways, the walk is quiet but I find my heart beating faster with every step we take.

 

When we reach the clinic, Brandon is pacing rather impatiently outside and stops when he sees us. Lavinia rushes to his open arms and I try not to look but their embrace fills me with warmth. He gently strokes her hair and whispers softly in her ear. She nods and kisses him. I hadn’t realised until now how much time Lavinia has spent consoling me, wiping away the constant flow of tears that never seem to cease. All this time with me when she could have spent precious moments with her husband.  

 

Brandon is still holding onto Lavinia when he looks to me with eyes almost the same shade of blue as Peeta’s. “I’m glad to see you Katniss. Rye is in there with Peeta now. I was hoping to see you before I report for duty.” He is in full soldier’s uniform and I wonder if he has been assigned to another reconnaissance mission. “We made sure one of us was with him the whole time until dad and Lavinia could find you.” Brandon looks across to me then to Mr Mellark before speaking again. “Peeta responded to us when he lost control but this time…we can’t seem to reach him.” He says despondently.

 

Brandon tells us before leaving with Lavinia, that Dr Aurelius is expecting us in his office and wants to talk to me before I see Peeta. I know there must be some sort of confidentiality agreement between patient and doctor but I’m hoping he will tell me something. 

 

Dr Aurelius must sense our presence and opens his office door just as we walk into the clinic. He greets us both before ushering us inside to take our seats. The doctor sits behind his rather large desk and goes over some notes he has in a file before looking up to speak.

 

“I’ve instructed one of my assistants to relieve Rye from watching over Peeta. He’s been in there for a while but I think the young man deserves a rest.” He looks to Mr Mellark who stands and nods in agreement. He leaves me and the doctor alone, I guess to make sure Rye goes back to his quarters to rest.

 

Dr Aurelius clears his throat to gain my attention. “Now, I’m sure your father-in-law has told you about Peeta’s condition and the trauma he experienced that resulted in this shield personality. It's quite extraordinary!” He says with an edge of clinical excitement. “I don’t think you realise the unique opportunity to study your husband’s complex psychological condition means.  

I cringe at the thought of anyone using Peeta to study his condition as if he were some kind of lab rat. Even if Dr Aurelius is only trying to help him, I will not allow anyone to use him this way.

 

Shifting forward in my seat I am unable to keep the anger from my voice. “My husband has a split personality because his mother sold him to Head Peacekeeper Cray in exchange for drugs. If you think for one minute that I will let you treat him like an experiment-”

 

The doctor interrupts me before I have a chance to finish my sentence. “I appreciate how much this is affecting you and I sympathise but I will not tolerate any animosity towards me. I’d like to make one thing clear before we go on, I am not the enemy here. Peeta’s wellbeing and eventual recovery is my main priority. So, if you have nothing further to add, I would like to continue?”

 

His words hit me like a ton of bricks and I suddenly feel regretful at my outburst. I nod my head and keep quiet. _Perhaps I was wrong about him?_

 

“Good, I’m glad we’ve been able to clear the air.” He adds, with no bitterness in his voice.

 

He begins to search through the file on his desk. “Ah, here it is. I made some copies of the medical texts I found pertaining to what I prefer to call ‘Shield Personalities’. You may want to look through it more thoroughly later but I thought I could give you a brief summary, if that’s okay.” Dr Aurelius asks.

 

I glimpse at the words on the pages before nodding my approval for the doctor’s summarisation. “Right then. In the psychiatric field, it was previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder but it has since changed to Dissociative Identity Disorder or DIS.  In many cases this complex psychological condition is likely caused by many factors. Severe trauma such as physical or emotional abuse and in Peeta’s case, repetitive sexual abuse not to mention the physical and emotional abuse he experienced from his own mother.”

 

I try to keep up with Dr Aurelius’ explanation but find his words a little overwhelming as I listen. “Now, this disorder is a neurosis in which the shield personality becomes dissociated into two or more distinct parts, each of which becomes dominant and controls behaviour. Peeta has just the one shield and it moves to the fore as soon as he feels threatened.”

 

“So, I caused this? I made him remember the horrible things his mother made him do.” Recalling how I insisted Peeta talk about his mother. Sick with guilt, I feel my face pale and my hands tremble as I clasp them tightly together.

 

“Don’t punish yourself for something you had no knowledge or control over Katniss.” Dr Aurelius is quick to respond but it does nothing to ease my shame.

 

“We’re not going to give up hope, not by a long shot! While there's no known cure for DIS, long-term treatment is very successful, if the patient stays committed. Effective treatment like scheduled talk therapy sessions, medications, hypnotherapy. Even things like art or movement therapy, dancing, exercising…that sort of thing can help Peeta reconnect with himself and others.”

 

Suddenly remembering the sketch pad, I ask. _“_ Art? Peeta likes to draw. Do you think that would help him?”

 

“It could certainly be a starting block, Katniss. But before we go in to his room, you need to be fully aware of the importance getting Peeta to talk to us. His past therapy sessions have been somewhat successful but as soon as I get close to the actual trauma, the shield personality shuts me out. He continues to keep the most painful details locked inside.”

 

“Why do you need him to talk about what happened? It’s obviously a horrible memory for him.” I question angrily.

 

“Katniss, keeping everything locked inside, as terrible as it was, is not helping Peeta in the slightest. I feel that once he is able to talk about what happened, it will be the biggest step moving forward in his treatment and overall wellbeing.”

 

“And what if that other person shows himself, what then? Will that be a big step for Peeta?” I respond with venom in my voice.

 

“In my professional opinion, yes! If Peeta refuses to let us help him then perhaps his shield personality is the key.” Dr Aurelius points out with determination etched on his face.

 

As I stand behind the one-way mirror my eyes dart straight to Peeta. He is curled up in the corner of the room, twirling his fingers around his blond curls repeating the same thing over.

 

“My name is Peeta Mellark. I am 19 years old and I am from District 12. Katniss is my wife and we live in District 13 now. She’s safe with me. My name is Peeta Mellark I am 19……”

“I don’t understand. Why is he repeating the same thing?”

 

Dr Aurelius turns to me and speaks softly. “It’s a way for Peeta to remind himself of the things he knows to be true. It helps him focus on what is real. Talk to him Katniss. I think you can help us reach him.”

 

“And if the other Peeta returns?” I ask, suddenly feeling a cold shiver run up my spine.

 

“Then talk to him as well. Make him understand that you are only here to help Peeta. Start off slow, see if he will open up to you. It’s a gamble but if it works, it will be crucial to Peeta’s recovery.”

 

Struck with fear at the thought of talking to Peeta’s other self…of hearing the things that happened to him, my legs feel like they’re about to give way. My feelings, as new as they are, have not swayed and even with everything that has happened in the last thirty-six hours, I know Peeta would never hurt me but what of his other self? Will Peeta be able to stop him if things get out of hand?  

 

I cannot allow my fear to overtake me. If it were me in there, if all these horrible things had happened to me, Peeta would do whatever it took to help me. I somehow know this. But I can’t stop shaking.

 

I'm startled when I feel a hand gently squeeze my shoulder. It’s Mr Mellark who returned from seeing Rye to his quarters but my eyes stay glued to my husband on the other side of the mirror.

 

“I know it’s a lot to ask from you, Katniss, but I really think you can reach him where we can’t. I'll understand if you want to walk away from all of this.... I won’t stop you.” He adds.

 

The door opens and Dr Aurelius enters first followed by Mr Mellark. Peeta doesn’t acknowledge either one of them as he continues with his mantra. I clench my hands into fists then shake them out before entering. I take a deep breath with one thought on my mind. _For Peeta._

“Peeta.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this update. I hope you enjoyed it. To the lovelies that leave me kind and encouraging comments...you make my day. I ❤️ you!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! Violent underage rape/non-con; sexual and physical abuse. A mention of suicide.
> 
> Please take heed of my TRIGGER WARNING before continuing.
> 
> This chapter proved quite the challenge for me to write. There were times I had to walk away but I knew from the start I couldn't sugar-coat the severity of Peeta's abuse.
> 
> My thanks always to shannon17 for her beta-ing skills. Her feedback and suggestions helped me get across the line. Thank you my dear friend for your ongoing support and guidance.
> 
> I would normally say 'enjoy reading' but I know it will be a hard read for many. Just know that it WILL get better but before it does, there's a long road to travel first.

****

**Peeta (flashback)**

“ _Why can’t Rye stay behind and help mother. She likes him better anyways.” I argue, trying to ignore Rye who is flipping the bird at me behind Dad’s back._

_“That’s not true son. I know your mother says things that are hurtful but she doesn’t mean any of it. We just need to be patient with her. You know she’s not well.” Dad has used this excuse so many times that he has started to believe it and my stomach turns every time I hear it but I let it go…like I always do._

_“You know she’ll probably just get me to collect the coin from whatever she’s managed to sell!” I blurt out before thinking. He doesn’t need to say anything, we’ve all noticed things around the house disappearing…even granny’s jewellery and they weren’t hers to sell. Dad places his hands on my shoulders and looks to me with understanding eyes, completely ignoring my outburst. “It’s only for a few hours and we’ll be back before nightfall. Okay?”_

_Along with Brandon and Rye, I’ve always helped Dad with the deliveries from the Capitol so why is it now mother decides she needs me, her least favourite son, to run her errands? I’m only putting off the inevitable and a battle I won’t win today so with reluctance, I agree. “Yes sir.”_

_I watch them leave for the station with envy before turning to see mother coming out of the bakery kitchen holding a freshly baked loaf of bread wrapped in a clean cloth._

_“Take this bread to Peacekeeper Cray and don’t dawdle. He has a package for me so make sure you come straight home with it and don’t let me find out you’ve stopped to ogle over that whore’s brat again.” I bite the inside of my cheek at mother’s derogatory remark towards Katniss and her mother as she shoves the bread in my hands. “Weak…like your father,” she sniggers under her breath, as I walk out the door._

_Two guards standing outside Head Peacekeeper Cray’s front gate watch me approach. The rifles slung over their shoulders are enough to leave me feeling a little unsettled but it’s their gaze that sends a cold shiver up my spine. “I’m here to pick up a package for my mother” I announce. They look at each other and smirk, waving me forward. Only after knocking on the front door do I realise the guards have moved from their posts and followed behind me._

_The door creeks open as the hulking figure of Head Peacekeeper Cray appears in front of me. “Ah! You must be Peeta Mellark, I’ve been expecting you. Come in my boy, I have your mother’s package ready.”_

_I step into Cray’s house and blindly follow him down the hall to a back room. Holding out the loaf of bread, he takes it from me and tosses it onto a table nearby. Cray is standing a little too close for my liking and his stare makes the hairs on my neck stand on end. As he reaches out to touch my cheek, I instantly recoil, moving a step back. “The package sir?” The words seem to stick as I swallow the lump in my throat._

_Cray laughs and his guards join in. The uncomfortable feeling in my gut is building as he begins to inch closer, slowly unbuttoning his jacket. “Have you been with anyone boy?” He questions, carefully placing his jacket over the back of a chair._

_“Sir?” I gulp, not sure of his meaning. “I’m betting, a handsome lad like you would have girls begging you for it, am I right?” I shake my head at the thought of what he is implying. “Has anyone ever touched you…here?” His hand grabs my belt buckle and pulls me to him squeezing my cock with his other hand through my trousers. Repulsed, I push him away with enough force that he stumbles backwards. I need to get out of here!_

_My heart beats fast as I turn to make my escape but I’m stopped by the guards. Cray has regained his footing and nods to the them as he steps closer to me. “Ah, we have a feisty one here boys and it seems his mother failed to mention the conditions of our...arrangement?” He sneers._

_“I-I-I just came to pick up my mother’s package sir…if you can just hand it to me, I-I’ll be on my-” the sharp sting across my face almost knocks me back but one of the guards pulls me upright._

_“You’ll get it when I’m finished with you.” He spits. “This is going to be better than I thought.” My heart plummets and my mind is suddenly flooded with images of starving girls from the seam lined up outside Cray’s door each night desperate to gain a few coins to help feed their families. Their innocence forever lost as they sell their bodies to this depraved monster._

_I start to struggle with the guards who have grabbed my arms. I am strong but no match for these men as I try to free myself from their iron grip. Pushing one guard away, I turn for the door again but I am struck from behind, leaving me dazed. A punch to the stomach a second later, has me winded and gasping for air._

_The clicking sound brings me to my senses as I try to break free. Both guards start pulling at my clothes, ripping the back of my shirt. “No!” I cry out as I see Cray unzipping his trousers._

_“NO! PLEASE STOP? NO! NO! PLEASE…DON’T DO THIS! PLEASE...S-S-STOP”!_

_“Did you hear that boy’s? He’s begging me. That’s it! Keep begging me! Beg me to stop!” I feel the sting of the first lash of his belt buckle on my bare skin. His sickening breath stains my ear as I begin to scream out but he grabs a clunk of my hair and pulls my head back making sure I hear him._

_“I have ways to make people in this district disappear. Your father…brothers…everyone you love… accidents happen all the time!” He jerks my head back again. “Your mother owes me a lot of coin so consider this a partial payment. Got it!” I whimper and my vision grows spotty. Cray wastes no time as he savagely thrusts himself inside me. My screams echo on the walls until I'm sure I'll pass out; the sounds excite him further so I try to muffle them...there’s no one to help me._

_It's then I feel something vicious and twisting in my head, snarling for freedom. A crack. A splintering of my mind as the room dims before falling away completely. I hover close to unconsciousness but I'm existing in a place that is seemingly familiar. A movement at my side, a form crawling forth from the abyss, I almost reach out to catch it, to stop it....no one should be in that room with Cray. But the inky darkness slips through my fingers, leaving me breathlessly alone. It could be minutes or hours; the dark is timeless._

_I startle awake as Cray finishes. Confused and hurting, I carefully open my eyes and reality rushes in. Beyond the indignity, the sickening laughter from the guards as they watched me being raped adds to my shame. Cray stands, pulling up his trousers before ordering them to release me. I'm left to right myself after the attack. Slowly, I get up from the bed and wince from the pain. There are no more tears to shed as I begin to straighten my clothes, anxious to cover myself._

_Cray walks over to the table where he threw the loaf of bread earlier and takes a bite. Chewing…he speaks. “Tell your mother that I am satisfied with our business arrangement. It will continue and I look forward to the next delivery day...if not before.”_

_I would rather kill myself than allow him to touch me again._

_“Oh…and be sure she gets this. I’ve got more where that came from.” He smirks. My body shakes with revulsion as he hands me the small package and nods to one of his guards to lead me outside._

_I replay Cray’s words and what he did to me over in my head as I walk home still dazed and sore. My stomach is the first to react as I lunge for the nearest bush to vomit. The pain is noticeably worse with each step I take and my first thought is to go to the healer’s house but I know I can’t. What if she’s there too. What will she think of me? I’ll never be good enough for her now. I’m sorry…I’m sorry._

_I make it home to find mother waiting by the door. She sent me into the lion’s den without so much as a remorseful thought and doesn’t bother to look at me as she snatches the package from my hands. I don’t have to ask what’s inside._

_“I won’t let him do that to me again. You can’t make me go back there.” I tell her, my voice timid and shaking because I don't want to believe that she knew this would happen._

_Mother strikes the side of my head. “I can and you will!” She spits venomously. “YOU DID THIS TO ME! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” She yells, waving the package furiously in front of me and for the first time I see nothing but pure hatred in her eyes as her tirade continues._

_“I wanted to get rid of you before I started showing but that whore refused to help me. If you breathe one word about any of this to anyone I will speak with Head Peacekeeper Cray and don’t think I won’t! I’m sure he would enjoy taking that seam trash you keep day-dreaming about from behind!”_

_My back straightens as fury builds within me. “Don’t you touch her! You and Cray keep away from her!” I shout. The thought of Cray’s filthy hands on Katniss enrages me._

_Unfazed by my outburst she continues. “I’m the last person you want to threaten Peeta. Up until today, you were worthless. Now…you’re going to help me get what I need!” The cold smirk on her face is the last thing I see before she hurries down the steps to the basement._

_“…and who is going to help me?” I say, to no one._

_****_

 

**Katniss**

I watch Peeta rocking, lost to his past but desperately repeating the mantra that anchors him here in the present, away for the horrors of his youth.

 

“My name is Peeta Mellark…I am 19 years old and I am from District 12...”

“Peeta.” His name flows from my lips as a whisper.

 

“...Katniss is my wife…”

“Peeta.” I say again, making sure he hears me this time.

 

He stops the repetitive verse and slowly raises his head. He sees me, clouded blue eyes move over me in recognition. I want to rush to him, wrap my arms around his neck, kiss him on the lips and take him far away from this cold sterile room but I can’t. Dr Aurelius and Mr Mellark are standing to the side of the room and I know there are hidden cameras watching and listening to everything we say and do.

 

Peeta picks himself up from the corner of the room and whispers my name. “Katniss.”  He rushes towards me but stops suddenly as if a chain has been pulled taut. “Katniss,” he says again as he holds out his arms then drops them back down to his sides. I can’t help but notice his right hand is bandaged and my thoughts go to the shattered mirror in our bathroom. He looks tired but keeps his eyes glued to me.

 

“We’re being watched.” He says, glancing at the two-way mirror.

 

“I know.”

 

“I’m so sorry Katniss.” He says, as I move slowly to close the gap between us.

 

“It’s okay.” I tell him reassuringly, reaching for his hand to gently brush my fingers over his bandages.

 

Peeta takes a deep breath as I continue to caress his bandaged hand and when he gently exhales, a familiar comforting warmth radiates through me. “I broke the mirror.” He admits.

 

“I noticed.” Chiding him lightly.

 

“I didn’t mean to.” He mumbles.

 

“I know, Peeta.” I hush.

 

“I was so angry! I hated myself for not protecting you like I said I would.”

 

“It’s okay Peeta, we can talk about it later.” I say inching closer.

 

“I’m so sorry.” He whispers softly in my ear. 

 

We stand in the middle of the room just staring at each other. Peeta touches the end of my braid and there is a slight quiver in his voice. “Did he...he didn’t hurt you?”

 

“No.” I say, shaking my head in response. “You…he just scared me that’s all.”

 

“Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it.” There’s desperation in his voice. 

 

“I could never hate you Peeta. This is all my fault! I should never have pressed you like that. But you could've told me so I would have been prepared.” I start to say.

 

Peeta shakes his head. “None of this is your fault! I thought I was in control but I’m not...I’m broken...I-I-I’m a monster!”

 

“NO! Cray and your mother are the monsters!” The words burst from me. I can't stand to hear the hopelessness in his voice.

 

Shame darkens his eyes as I watch him swallow nervously. “How much did Dad tell you?”

 

“Enough.” I answer and there are a few moments where nothing is said. I break the silence, remembering the doctor’s words. “Don’t be angry with your Dad. I made him tell me the truth. Then he took me to see Dr Aurelius and he thinks that talking about what happened will help you get better.”

 

His face crumbles to a mask of misery and a shuddered breath escapes him. My fingers gently stroke his face as they make their way up to run through his unruly curls and I am relieved when he leans into my touch.

 

I will probably never know the depth of his pain but I need to know more about what I'm dealing with. “Who is he Peeta?” I question softly.

 

Peeta stills, glancing briefly towards the doctor and his Dad before answering. “I-I-I don’t really know. He’s just…there.”

 

I nod, hesitating before asking the next question that’s been pressing on my mind. “Does he think I would hurt you?” ~~~~

“No! It's not like that! You just wouldn’t stop asking about…” Peeta’s body stiffens and I worry that I’ve pushed too hard. “Those bad things happened to me because of _HER_. What they did…she didn’t care.” He looks away, his eyes lost in thought. “ _She_ never loved me.”

 

I need his focus back on me. “Your mother is gone Peeta! Dead and rotting in the cold ground where she belongs.” I say firmly.

 

Peeta returns his gaze on me and cups my face, softly running his thumbs over my cheeks. “She can’t hurt us anymore Katniss?” His shining eyes lifted to mine.

 

He sounds so young and so vulnerable. I gently grasp his uninjured hand and bring it to my chest, holding on tightly. “No Peeta, she will never hurt us again.” I rasp, trying to keep my tears at bay.

 

“From now on we're going to protect each other, okay?”

 

“Okay.” The word leaves him on a sigh as he pulls me to him, clinging to me like I'm all he has in the world.

_And_ _he is all I have._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its been a bit of a hard slog between chapters but with the help of two special people, I've managed to muddle my way through.
> 
> To Shannon17. Thank you for being my beta and friend and number one support person. Your feedback and suggestions are always spot on and I don't know what I would do without your guidance. I love my banner too!
> 
> To mega-aulover. This talented writer and lovely lady went out of her way to give me some tips and encouraged me to keep going. It was the pep talk I needed. Thank you my dear. 
> 
> To all my readers. I really appreciate you supporting this story and leaving your kudo's and comments.

 

Dr Aurelius and Mr Mellark left the room, leaving Peeta and I to our own devices until visiting hours end. I’m not fooled though, nor is Peeta as we look over at the two-way mirror. He clings to my hand as he leans forward, trying to keep from being overheard.

 

“I’m so tired Katniss, I don’t want to be afraid anymore.” Peeta says after a few moments of silence. “What if this new therapy makes it worse?”

 

He sounds so defeated and lost but I won’t have it. He’s going to get better. He just needs to let those who care, help.

 

“Don’t think like that. It’s going to help you, I know it.”

 

“What if _he_ comes back?”

 

“Then we’ll talk to _him_. The doctor thinks it would be a step in the right direction.”

 

“What if he tries to hurt you?”

 

“I don’t think he will. I’ll make him understand that I’m not a threat. I’m not afraid to try Peeta. Besides, he protects you, so he can’t be all bad.”

 

Over the confines of my District 13 standard issue shirt, I clutch the locket that is safely tucked away from view and hold onto it tightly.

 

“Maybe it’s time you let Dr Aurelius help you.”

 

Peeta lets out a heavy sigh and just as I think he’s going to protest, nods and places a lingering kiss on the top of my head. With his large hand covering mine, he smiles shyly and just like my locket, his touch has a calming effect.

 

I’ve never told anyone the origins of the locket, but I want to share the story behind it with Peeta and the strength and comfort it has brought me during my most difficult times. I’m just not sure how he’d feel if he learned about the anonymous gift, so I decide to direct the conversations to less serious matters.

 

The rest of afternoon is mostly spent sitting on the hospital bed holding hands, talking and occasionally looking up at the two-way mirror as we whisper softly to each other, not wanting our conversations overheard.

 

A knock at the door startles us as Dr Aurelius enters the room announcing that it’s time for me to go. I hate that I’m going to spend a sleepless night without Peeta but if I’m being honest, the thought of constantly being watched around the clock by the doctor’s medical team is a little unsettling.

 

Peeta steps off the bed first before helping me to my feet then turns to Dr Aurelius. “Why can’t Katniss stay with me tonight? I’m better now.”

 

“Peeta, it’s encouraging to hear you say that you’re feeling better but we both know you have a long way to go before I can agree. You have missed vital therapy sessions since your marriage and we have some catching up to do. It’s just for a few days and I’m sure Katniss would feel more comfortable sleeping in her own bed tonight.” Dr Aurelius reasons before adding, “this is also a good opportunity to re-evaluate your medication dosage before you’re discharged.”

 

A pang of guilt washes over me hearing that Peeta stopped his sessions with Dr Aurelius because of me. The guilty feeling is quickly brushed aside as I feel Peeta’s body still and tenses causing his grip on my hand to tighten. “No! No more pills! I don’t like taking them!” He refuses.

 

“Ahh, I feared that might be the case. When did you stop taking your medication?” Dr Aurelius questions assertively.

 

This latest revelation shocks me. We’ve been married only a short time and although signing up as a Mail-Order-Bride was a decision born from desperation, I don’t regret it, not now, because it’s Peeta. There’s a deep connection between us that I can’t explain but the fact remains, Peeta has purposely stopped taking his medication…medication prescribed for a very serious condition, one that could possibly make him violent.  _A wife should know these things!_ I think to myself.

Peeta lowers his head and shrugs his shoulders. “A week ago, maybe. I don’t remember.”

 

Dr Aurelius sighs as he removes his glasses, rubbing the lenses with a handkerchief he retrieved from his coat pocket. “I prescribe medication for a reason Peeta and going cold turkey is not only foolhardy but dangerous. If there was a problem, you should have come to me first before taking such drastic measures.”

 

Peeta looks away, shifting nervously on his feet. I slowly remove my hand from Peeta’s and raise it to his chin making him look down to meet my eyes. “Why did you stop taking them?”

 

His cheeks start to redden as he ponders in thought and I can tell he’s not comfortable answering my question. “They stop me from…feeling.” He admits, swallowing hard.

 

His answer leaves me a little baffled, but Dr Aurelius seems to understand and nods, accepting Peeta’s response before scribbling something on his note pad.

 

My eyes fall back to Peeta. “It will be okay. I’ll be back here first thing in the morning and we can talk about medication and other stuff with Dr Aurelius if you like.” I tell him encouragingly before placing a chaste kiss to his cheek.

 

Peeta leans down and presses his forehead against mine. I take in his scent as his breath gently sweeps down to my nose and then my lips. The feeling it leaves is new as my heart beats so fast that I’m afraid it will jump right out of my chest. There’s a throbbing sensation surging through me that I take as a sign of embarrassment, so I break away from Peeta’s warm embrace but not before giving him a light peck on the cheek. Knowing there are prying eyes watching, I’m not willing to share anything beyond that here.

 

Neither of us wants to be the first to let go but as we make our way to the door, Peeta tugs at our entwined fingers stopping me from stepping further. “Promise you’ll come back?” He asks pleadingly.

 

“I promise.” I whisper, kissing him one more time before leaving for the night. 

 

Feeling exhausted, I walk out of the clinic towards the lift that will take me to my quarters. I’m a little surprised that Mr Mellark is not here waiting for me, but he looked so tired earlier today that I figure he must be checking on Rye again before retiring for the night. Right now, the thought of a hot shower beckons me but before I can press the call button, a familiar voice rings out grabbing my attention. “Katniss, a word before you go.” Dr Aurelius calls out.

 

“It's been quite a day,” he says, catching up to me. “I know you must be a bit over-whelmed, but I wanted to see how you are feeling.”  

 

“I’m fine and it’s Peeta you should be worrying about, not me.”

 

Dr Aurelius contemplates my defensive response. “I am just as concerned for your wellbeing as I am for Peeta’s. I don’t think you fully appreciate how important your emotional stability is to this process. It will undoubtedly be a physically and mentally draining experience once Peeta resumes his therapy sessions. I need to make sure you are equipped to deal with whatever lies ahead.”

 

Before I can respond, the doctor continues. “There is no doubt in my mind that you will play a large part in Peeta’s recovery and his reliance on your total support is paramount. That’s a lot of responsibility sitting on the shoulders of one so young, given the tragic circumstances you’ve already experienced and the decisions you were forced to make as a consequence.”

I haven’t thought of my family all day and for the second time today, a pang of guilt washes over me.

 

“Talking about my family isn’t going to bring them back, is it!” I exclaim, angry with Dr Aurelius for dredging up my past.

 

“No, it won’t bring them back but talking about it and the way it makes you feel will help you through the grieving process.”

 

“What would you know about grieving?” I snap and there’s a sadness in the eyes of the doctor that surprises me.

 

“Peeta’s my family now.” I say, holding back my emotions as tears threaten to escape me. “Like I keep telling you…I’m fine.”

 

“Are you really Katniss? Peeta told me you have nightmares too.”

 

I don’t respond.

 

Dr Aurelius looks at me intently. _What is he looking for?_   “Well, I just wanted you to know that my office is always open but if you prefer to talk to a female psychiatrist, I will understand. I have an associate who visits District 13 on a regular basis. I can arrange for you to see her.”

 

“There’s no need. I’m stronger than I look.”

 

“I’m not suggesting otherwise Katniss, but everyone has a breaking point. There is no shame in asking for help.”

 

Feeling awkward and wanting an end to this conversation, I start to press the call button of the lift more times than is considered necessary.

 

“It’s Peeta that needs help and I’m going to be there for him every step of the way. I’m fine.” I reiterate. “Goodnight Dr Aurelius. I’ll see you in the morning,” I tell him, relieved the lift has finally arrived. He stands silent, watching me from the other side of the lift door as it slowly slides to a close.

 

The nightmare that usually visits me deep in the night is replaced by a new one. Instead of running towards the sounds of desperate calls from my family only to stumble on their lifeless bodies, it’s Peeta’s voice I hear.

 

I’m trapped in a room surrounded by mirrors that shatter each time I reach out to touch him. Then the broken mirrors no longer show Peeta, but hundreds of large black birds, Peeta’s voice screaming from their sharp beaks as they break through and rip me apart. I wake up in a cold sweat, calling his name.

 

It’s still early but trying to get back to sleep seems pointless now so I get out of bed and trudge towards the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I quickly change from my nightgown into fresh clothes and wait for Lavinia or Mr Mellark.

 

Impatient to wait any longer and eager to see Peeta this morning, I decide to make my way out of our quarters and head for the dining hall before the scheduled breakfast rush. Sliding the door open, I’m startled at the sight of a young man staring down at me from the other side.

 

“Oh sorry, I was just about to knock. Hi, you must be Soldier Mellark. I’m Soldier Thomas Watts from Maintenance Crew.”  

 

“Yes, I’m Katniss _Ever_ …Mellark but I’m not expecting anyone from Maintenance.” I answer, sounding puzzled.

 

He taps away on a small black electronic device in his hand. “I got a request from a Soldier Mellark to replace a broken mirror. It says it right here…see.”

 

Staring into the black device, not sure what I’m looking for, I ask. “Does it say which Soldier Mellark?”

 

“Oh yeah, there’s a few of you now.” Soldier Thom chuckles and taps away at his device again. “Soldier Lavinia Mellark. She’s your-” He stops, looking at me for confirmation.

 

“Sister-in-law.” I answer.

 

I move to the side allowing him access to the bedroom but stand outside the opened doorway not comfortable with having a stranger in our quarters. “The bathroom’s through that way.” I point.

 

He nods before making his way through. “Yeah, the quarters are all the same on this level.” After a few minutes, Soldier Thom pops his head out of the bedroom to let me know that he’ll need to take out the broken pieces for recycling. “Nothing gets wasted here but I’ll be done in a jiffy. You should have a new mirror by the end of the week.”

 

The swishing sound of the lift door opening turns my head as I see Rye striding towards me. Breathing heavily, he begins to apologise.

 

“I’m sorry Katniss, Dad’s been called to a meeting and Brandon only got back from his mission a short while ago. Lavinia asked me to be here before Maintenance came around and then take you to breakfast. She said to tell you she’ll come and see you as soon as she can. I got here as quick as I could.” Rye says in a flustered voice and it’s the first time since I arrived in District 13 that he has said more than two words to me.

 

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to be late to see Peeta, so I decided to walk down to the dining hall myself but this man from Maintenance arrived to fix the broken mirror-”

 

“Oh, hi Thom, you’re here already. Everything okay?” Rye says, noticing the man entering the lounge room from the corner of his eye.

 

“Hey Rye. Yeah, everything’s good. Oh man, you look like shit.” He says, looking closely at Rye’s face.

 

“Geez, thanks. Even pretty boys like me have off days. Have you looked at your own ugly mug in the mirror lately?” Rye says in jest.

 

Soldier Thom laughs good-naturedly. “I was just telling Soldier Katniss that a new mirror should be ready by the end of the week.” He looks to me and pauses. “I’m sorry to hear about Peeta but if there’s anything you need, just let me know. Peet’s a good guy.” He turns to Rye, slapping his shoulder lightly, “check ya later pretty boy,” and chuckles as he leaves.

 

Rye rolls his eyes and shakes his head, “Thom’s okay,” he says as we walk to the lift.

 

There are a few citizens in the dining hall already as we begin to fill our trays with this morning’s breakfast that consists of warm porridge, two slices of bread and a piece of fruit. Finding us an empty table, Rye sets his tray down before going over to the hot beverage station to fill our mugs with tea.

 

It seems that I have been accepted by the citizens of District 13 and no longer feel their uncomfortable stares. In contrast, many smile and nod at me as they pass by my table and it makes me wonder if they know about Peeta too.

 

Rye returns with the mugs of hot tea and as we sit in silence to eat our breakfast, I’m beginning to think any further conversation between Rye and myself is at an end. To my surprise, Rye speaks.

 

“I blamed myself for a long time you know.” Turning my head to look at him, I see Rye staring in his empty tea mug.

 

“I’m his big brother and I should have protected him.” I don’t say anything but take a good look at Rye’s face and notice the dark circles under his eyes. Even behind his jokes and sarcasm, the horrible things that happened to Peeta has affected him greatly.

 

“Peeta and I shared a room back home and when his nightmares started, I would get so angry that I would shove him awake and tell him to shut up.” My head lowers as I remember my first night’s with Peeta sleeping on the couch and hearing him whimper as his nightmares took hold.

 

Rye takes a few short breaths before continuing. “That night...when…I panicked and ran out. I should have stayed and helped Dad and Brandon. I wished I hadn’t bolted like a coward. I just needed to get out of there and when I did…I ran. I didn’t even know where I was going until I ended up at your house. Dr Aurelius says that I acted out of fear not cowardice and it was a natural instinct to run away. It still didn’t make me feel any better, but he helped me to finally forgive myself.”

“I had no idea you were seeing Dr Aurelius too.” I say, astonished.

 

“Yeah, well we all did at first, but Dad and Brandon don’t see him anymore. They’ve always been strong. I still like to talk to him now and then especially if there’s something I need to figure out in my head. Dr Aurelius helps me sort things out.”

 

My head swirls knowing the actions of a cold-hearted mother has affected more than one innocent person. Rye clears his throat and starts to gather our empty trays and as he reaches for my mug, I place my hand on his.

 

“What happened wasn’t your fault. When you ran out of the basement you went straight to my mother because you knew Peeta would need her help. You did the right thing.”  

 

Rye smiles and nods. “Thank you,” his voice quivers in a whisper. “I’m glad you’re here. The last time Peeta had an attack was when he found out about your family. I meant to say it before this but I’m so sorry Katniss.”

 

I take in his words and return a thank you. “You mentioned Peeta had an attack before this one.”

 

Rye looks around the dining hall seemingly to make sure we’re not overheard.

 

“After we got word about your family, Peeta went berserk. We’d never seen him that bad. He tried to leave…kept telling us that he needed to get to you, even managed to reach the surface before we found him. It took Brandon and three of his Soldier buddies to pin him down long enough so that Dr Aurelius could inject Peeta with a sedative. Everyone was amazed at how strong Peeta…well, the other Peeta was...

 

The next morning, Dad pulled a few strings and devised a plan to get you here safely. With you signing up as a Mail-Order-Bride was just the piece of luck we were looking for. It’s what brought Peeta back, calmed him down. Told himself that he would get better for you. With him…it’s always been about you.”

 

_Me?_

 

Rye smiles widely. “You look surprised. Peeta has loved you for like…forever, but that’s a story not mine to tell. When we get back home I’m going to-.”

 

I’m quickly brought out of my thoughts at the mention of the word. “Home? What are you talking about Rye. We can never go back home.”

 

“You’re wrong Katniss.” Rye leans over and speaks in a hushed voice. “There are people back home…Seam and Merchant working together with the other districts for a better Panem. The likes of Cray and his Peacekeepers even those high in the Capitol won’t go unpunished for their crimes. You’ll see. Change is coming.”

 

 _Change. Just like the words rebellion and revolution. I’ve heard them all before._ I don’t say anything and have no thoughts on the matter. I just want to see Peeta.

 

“I want to see my husband now. Will you walk with me?” I ask him.

 

“Sure.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geez, this chapter was a tough one to write! 
> 
> Brainstorming with my beta and friend Shannon17 was epic to say the least and without her support, guidance and invaluable feedback, I would still be sitting here, procrastinating away. LOL!!!
> 
> Thank you Shannon. Looks like we're both still on the books! :)
> 
> Trigger Warning Alert: Hypnosis

I stand back and watch the two brothers embrace, enthusiastically thumping each other’s back. It’s clear both Peeta and Rye have a close brotherly-bond and that image puts a sad smile on my face as I remember the closeness Prim and I once shared.

 

I shake off the memory before it can consume me, instead I anchor myself in this moment with Peeta. He’s the only person I really have left in this world and I want to be present for these small moments of happiness.

 

Rye laughs, and it shakes me from my thoughts.

 

“Well, my job here is done. I better get to the kitchens before my…well technically your shift starts. Everyone there said to say ‘hi’ and they miss you, especially your bread, although I don’t understand why.” He jokes. 

 

Peeta, who quickly stepped over to take hold of my hands, grins before he turns to Rye.

 

“Ha, ha! Seems like the proofs in the pudding…or bread.” He replies, sending a cheeky wink my way. “But seriously…thanks for covering for me and bringing Katniss here.” He adds, his voice a little more solemn than it was just seconds before.

 

“No problem. Katniss is family now and we take care of family, right?”

 

Peeta smiles and nods, his thumbs are gently rubbing soothing circles over my hands and almost at once, I’m lost in his touch as that all-too familiar tingling sensation begins to work its way up my spine. I hadn’t even noticed that Peeta and I were locked in a sort of staring trance.

 

“Uh…mmm!” Rye coughs, clearing his throat mockingly. “Okay lovebirds, not that it matters much to either one of you…but big brother is gonna take his leave now.”

 

If the blush on Peeta’s face is any sign, mine must look as if I’m on fire. It sure feels like my skin is singeing from the heat. 

 

“Katniss, I can come by later and walk with you to dinner if you like. Dad should be here soon, and Brandon and Lavinia will stop by the first chance they get.”

 

Another night without Peeta draws on me but I’m thankful for his family. It’s their not-so-subtle way of making sure I’m not alone for too long. I’m just hoping this new treatment will help so Dr Aurelius will deem Peeta well enough to be released. And although I’m grateful for the offer, I decided after waking from my nightmare last night, I am going to spend every possible moment with Peeta, whether Dr Aurelius agrees to it or not.

 

“Thank you anyway Rye but I’m going to let Dr Aurelius know that I’ll be having my meals here with Peeta from now on. I don’t want to wait until he can come home.” _Did I say_ _home?_ “Besides, I’m sure you have better things to do than babysit me all the time.”

 

Rye lets out a loud snort. “And risk the wrath of Lavinia! She gave me strict instructions to keep you company. Trust me, it’s no trouble at all little sis. Just be glad you haven’t had the pleasure of witnessing that woman’s death stare. It’s enough to scare the pants off anyone.” He admits jokingly.

 

“But I can see that your mind is made up, so I’ll come around to your quarters in the morning. We can both grab a quick bite before the rush and then I can walk you back here to spend your day with Peeta.”

 

I suppress a smile at the thought of Lavinia and her ‘death stares’. “Oh, I wouldn’t want you getting in trouble with Lavinia, or losing your pants for that matter so I guess I’ll see you for breakfast.” Satisfied with my answer, Rye says his goodbyes and rushes off to the kitchens, finally leaving Peeta and I alone.

 

“Hey you.”

 

“Hey yourself.” I whisper shyly.

 

My heart begins to beat wildly as Peeta leans in, locking our lips in the most tender of kisses. The mood is quickly drawn to a halt as Dr Aurelius decides at that precise moment to enter the room. _Ugh!_ Those tingling feelings are becoming even more intense and I’m slightly frustrated at the doctor’s sudden intrusion.

 

“Uh…mm! Are we ready for your first day of therapy Peeta? Now where did I put my glasses?” Dr Aurelius clears his throat and begins to pat the pockets of his white clinical coat absentmindedly in his search. 

  

Peeta and I point to the top of the doctor’s head in unison. “Ahh! I knew I put them somewhere. Thank you.” He says, sliding them down to perch on his nose.

 

“I’m a little anxious to get things started so yeah…I’m ready when you are Doc.” Peeta says, bringing us back on topic.

 

“Then let’s begin.”

 

Dr Aurelius briefly mentions the use of medication but Peeta is adamant. A compromise is reached which pretty much translates to the success of this new therapy. I’m still not privy to Peeta’s stance on this issue but trust his decision. The doctor then talks us through the therapy and what to expect. He proposes a little test to decide how well Peeta will respond.

 

A knock on the door stops the conversation before Mr Mellark enters the room looking a little haggard. Strangely I think, he avoids making eye contact with me and almost at once, I sense something is wrong. He was in that meeting for a long time and it must have been very taxing on him as the dark circles and worry lines on his face are not hard to miss.  

 

Dr Aurelius repeats what today’s session will entail for the benefit of Mr Mellark and suggests we watch from the ‘viewing room’ which is what I decided to call the room with the two-way mirrors. This will avoid us being a distraction to Peeta during his first session.

 

As we step outside, two orderlies are standing on each end of the doorway. It doesn’t take much to realise why they are here. Dr Aurelius needs to be protected, should things get out of hand. At that realisation, a sudden rush of anxiousness rushes through me at the possibility of Peeta becoming violent during his session.

 

Taking our seats, I look around and surprisingly notice no one from the doctor’s team is present, but I’m not going to complain. I’m still not comfortable with Peeta being constantly on display, even if it is in the interest of medical science.

 

I have no doubt that cameras will be recording every step of Peeta’s sessions and relaying information to Dr Aurelius’ team in another part of the clinic for group discussions later. For now, I can’t be worried about things that are out of my control.

 

Mr Mellark is still avoiding eye contact and uncharacteristically, has not said one word to me... it’s unnerving. “Is everything okay?” I ask.

 

He fidgets on his chair. “I’m just a little tired. Nothing you need to worry about my dear.” He quickly averts my stare and turns his head to the direction of Peeta and the doctor on the other side of the viewing glass. I’m suddenly left with an uneasy feeling. _He’s lying._

 

My attention is drawn back to the scene before me when Dr Aurelius asks Peeta if he is ready to begin. With a quick nod, he sits and makes himself comfortable on the large reclining chair.

 

“Now I want you to close your eyes, take some deep breaths and clear your mind. The only sound you will hear is my voice. You have nothing to fear.”

 

I can tell Peeta is a little nervous and is trying hard to listen intently to the doctor’s every word. After a few minutes of calming commands, he begins to relax.

 

“That’s good Peeta, you’re feeling very relaxed now. The only voice you will hear is mine. Your body is free from any tension or anxiety and your mind is clear and light. Relax, relax. Now, I want you to imagine you’re floating on a cloud and your body is as light as a feather and you’re smiling because it’s such a wonderful feeling.” In tune with the doctor’s voice, Peeta begins to smile.

 

“You’re doing very well Peeta. Now, I want you to imagine your body is swaying in the warm breeze and your arms feel so light they are slowly lifting up into the air.”

 

I watch in amazement as Peeta’s arms lift and sway in the imaginary wind. Looking at the peaceful and happy look on his face melts my heart. It’s a small step forward but we know for certain that Peeta will respond well to being hypnotised.

 

“He’s done it!” I shout to Mr Mellark who nods and smiles warmly at my over-zealousness and I’m suddenly grateful that we’re in a sound proof room.

 

“That’s good Peeta. You’re feeling free and perfectly safe.” The doctor continues.

 

My internal celebrations are short-lived as the doctor asks Peeta to lower his arms and retreat even deeper into a state of complete relaxation.

 

“Peeta, you are under hypnosis for your benefit, you will remain relaxed and calm. I’m going to ask you some questions. Will you answer them to the best of your ability?”

 

I can hear Peeta take a deep breath before the “yes” leaves his lips.

 

“Can you tell me where you are?”

 

“I’m in the meadow.”

 

“Is anyone with you in the meadow?”

 

“Yes. Katniss is sitting in the grass and she’s making me a dandelion crown.” Peeta smiles warmly and the hint of a dimple begins to form on his cheek.

 

“Peeta, I want you to remember this place...this feeling. I want you to return to this place if you start to feel anxious, can you do that?”

 

Peeta responds only with a nod of his head.

 

“We are going to the bakery now, before you and your family came to District 13. Can you tell me how you feel…what you see?”

 

He visibly stiffens and starts to look frantically over his shoulders then around the room as if searching for something.

 

“What is it Peeta? What are you looking for?” Dr Aurelius asks in a soft questioning tone.

 

“Peeta…is there someone there with you?”

 

“She’s here.” He whimpers.

 

“Who is?” The doctor asks.

  

 _She?_   _Does he mean me?_ My first reaction is to give Mr Mellark a questioning look, but he doesn’t return my gaze. Upon hearing those two words from Peeta, his shoulders slump, and his face paled in colour. He leans forward in his seat with fisted hands, and stares through the glass.

 

My attention turns back to Peeta as Dr Aurelius speaks. Swallowing hard, I cross my arms around my chest as a sudden chill runs through my body causing the fine hairs on my arms to rise. _No, it’s not me he sees now._

 

“Remember the feeling in the meadow, you are safe, no one can harm you. I need you to settle back in the chair and relax your mind.”

 

I see tears leak from the corner of Peeta’s eyes even as he settles back into the chair. My first instinct is to run into the room, to tell him I’m here and that I won’t let anyone hurt him ever again. But I know that would not be a wise move under the circumstances. So, I stay seated with my eyes glued to him.

 

“Why does she hate me so much?”

 

“Focus Peeta. Keep your eyes closed and take deep breaths…everything is well…you are safe.”

 

Peeta seemed so relaxed and happy just a few minutes ago but is becoming agitated with each passing second. His eyes are squeezed tight as if emanating pain and begins to shake his head furiously.

 

“No. She’ll make me go there again.”

 

“Who Peeta? Tell me what you see.”

 

“I won’t go back there! She can’t make me!”

 

“You are safe Peeta, nobody is going to make you do anything.”

 

“No! She’ll find a way! Please, help me hide.” His voice is pleading now.

 

The doctor stays calm as he tries to reassure Peeta that he is safe. “It’s alright Peeta. No one is going to harm you here.”

 

Tears pool in my eyes and my heart feels like it’s breaking in two as I watch Peeta cower in fear. This was supposed to be a simple test and I don’t think Peeta or the doctor were expecting things to unfold as they are.

 

As Dr Aurelius continues to delve deeper, I can see this is proving to be anything but simple. There is nothing I can do but sit behind the mirrored window clutching my locket as I watch my husband plead for help. I suddenly hate myself for being so utterly helpless.

 

“I need you to listen to my voice and believe me when I say that no one is going to hurt you.” The doctor affirms.

 

Peeta shakes his head. “Then help me!”

 

Dr Aurelius suddenly shifts his mode of questioning. “Yes Peeta, I’m going to help you, but first I want to talk to your friend. Is _he_ there? Can you ask _him_ to speak with me?”

 

There’s an uncomfortable silence as we wait for Peeta to respond.

 

The doctor asks again. “Your friend has absolutely nothing to fear from me. I can help you Peeta, but I would like to speak with _him_ first.”

 

Peeta begins to quiet, his muscles tense as he straightens in his chair but his head lulls forward.

 

“If you are truly Peeta’s friend, you know that I want to help him too. Please, talk to me.”

 

Without warning, Peeta springs out of the chair, his body rigid with hands clenched at his sides.

 

 _He_ looks up with enraged, inky black eyes.

 

 **“What do you want?”** _He_ growls, the sound is deep and jagged.

 

Dr Aurelius stays committed and appears unmoved by the presence of Peeta’s other-self.

 

“Thank you for speaking with me. I want you to know that I’m here to help Peeta, but I can’t do this alone. I need your help.”

 

The other-self walks around the room slowly and glances at the mirror briefly before walking over to the doctor.

 

 **“No one helped him before. Why should I believe you?”** Anger rolls off _his_ form in waves, _his_ muscles appear to shake with it.

 

“Because I always speak the truth and Peeta knows this. Will you help me help him?”

 

 _He_ contemplates the doctor’s words for a moment as _his_ eyes drift back to the mirror.

 

**“It hurts him to speak of it.”**

 

“Yes, it will hurt him. I understand that, but he doesn’t want to live in fear anymore. He told me he wants to get better.”

 

**“You don’t know what you’re asking. I can’t let him remember. I kept him safe in the dark room, if the door opens, what happened to him...to us...it can’t be unseen!”**

 

 _His_ body language begins to change as _he_ paces the room, but Dr Aurelius is unfazed and carries on.

 

“I don’t believe Peeta wants to be kept in the dark…not now. He wants-”

 

 _He_ turns to the doctor and rushes forward, rage filled in _his_ darkened eyes. **“What would you know what Peeta wants! You have no idea what we went through!”**

 

“Please, help me to understand. You’ve protected him from all this pain and his family is thankful you were with him, but he needs to face what happened. Locking it all inside isn’t helping him. You can see that can’t you?”

 

With heavy-footed steps, _He_ continues _to_ pace the room, running _his_ hand roughly through _his_ hair before coming to a stop in front of the mirror.

**“All Peeta wanted was for her to love him.”**

 

“Who?”

 

 _He_ turns around to face the doctor shaking _his_ head.

 

**“Instead, she hurt him...betrayed him!”**

“I can’t help Peeta if you don’t confide in me. Please, who—”

 

**“HIS MOTHER! HIS FUCKING MOTHER DID THIS TO HIM AND I HATE HER. I WANT TO CRUSH HER THROAT WITH MY BEAR HANDS. SHE NEEDS TO SUFFER! SHE HAD NO RIGHT! NO RIGHT AT ALL!”**

The small table at the end of the room is flipped over and thrown at the wall with a loud crash, as _he_ takes out _his_ fury on the wooden object. 

 

The two orderlies rush into the room but Dr Aurelius raises his hand to stop them from entering further. They step back and nod in acceptance, quietly closing the door behind them.

“She’s dead now, she can never hurt Peeta again.” The doctor quietly adds, calming the situation.

 

 _His_ heavy breathing evens out as _he_ loosens fisted hands. **“Even in death, he will always carry the scars of her abuse.”**

 

“Yes, that is true in some way. Peeta will always bear the scars, but maybe together, we can help him heal.”

 

Soft whimpers avert my attention and as I quickly turn my head to the sound, I see a stream of tears flowing from Mr Mellark’s saddened eyes. He bears the guilt of this on his shoulders and I wonder if, someday, he too can be healed.

  

 _He_ stays quiet for a few minutes and glances back to the mirror one last time before sitting back on the reclining chair.

**“Tell me doctor, is it wrong for me to be glad she’s dead?”**

“No…no it’s not wrong.”

 

The anger that built within _him_ just moments ago seems to have fled as _he_ settles comfortably back into the chair.

 

“I’d like to talk further on this subject. It will help Peeta immensely.” Dr Aurelius states as he scribbles in a notebook.

**“I don’t want to talk anymore. I’m tired now.”** _His_ head lolls to the side and closes _his_ eyes.

“That’s fine. We can talk tomorrow. I’m going to count backwards from five and when I reach one you’ll be wide awake, refreshed and alert. Five...four...three...two...one.”

And when those bright eyes flash open, I know it worked.

 

Peeta’s back.   

 

**Author's Note:**

> This story has become quite challenging and I know I am totally out of my comfort zone but I'm determine to keep going. More chapters to come. 
> 
> Please leave me your comments. I love reading them. :)


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